Kira
Beginner September 2018 Ontario

To invite or not to invite?

Kira, on 12/July/2018 at 08:06 Posted in Before the wedding

Hi all! I'm looking to get some feedback on an issue. We had sent a save the date to to a mutual friend but since then, her and my fiance had a bit of a falling out. Things are somewhat patched up but not entirely. Furthermore, she previously dated a member of the wedding party and that ended badly so there is potential for some hostility as our wedding party member wants to bring a date. My fiance does not want to invite our mutual friend and I agree that I don't want unnecessary drama, but I feel terrible because I know she will be very upset about not being invited as she was really looking forward to attending the wedding. Any advice on how to handle this situation?

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12 Comments

  • Lyla
    Devoted July 2018 Alberta
    Lyla ·
    Do you see her being involved with you two in the future? I find that’s the best way to decide on guests.. you’re inviting people not only so they can witness your marriage but also to share those memories in the future. Good luck!
  • Kira
    Beginner September 2018 Ontario
    Kira ·
    Thanks for the feedback everyone!
  • Tyanna
    Super June 2019 British Columbia
    Tyanna Online ·
    I would invite her and give her the benefit of the doubt, or at the vvery least talk to her first. It would be different if save the dates hadnt already gone out, but I dont think you should uninvite her.
  • Erin
    Master September 2017 Ontario
    Erin ·

    I think you need to talk to her about your concerns but at the same time it is none of her business whether or not someone in your wedding party, ex or not, is bringing a date. She's an adult and can act like one.

  • Brittany
    Featured January 2019 British Columbia
    Brittany ·

    I agree with the general consensus, just talk to her. Let her know your concerns, but you want her to be there... then she's making the promise to behave, and knows you're aware of the situation. You did send a save the date, so unless you and her had a major falling out and don't talk anymore, you really do need to invite her still.

    Just have a talk. If she blows up and starts a fight, then you have more grounds to not send the invitation... but most likely it will end up being fine.

  • Lindsay
    Newbie August 2020 Nova Scotia
    Lindsay ·
    I agree with Jennifer
  • Jennifer
    Featured July 2019 Ontario
    Jennifer ·

    Etiquette dictates. you send a save the date. you invite them.

    if you have patched things up with her (while they may not be as good as they used to). just talk to her. and give her the heads up about the ex having a date at the wedding. invite her and leave it in her court.

  • Kay
    Devoted September 2018 Nova Scotia
    Kay ·

    I would probably have a discussion with her instead of just immediately uninviting her. I would just say that you have some concerns regarding her reaction about this other person bringing a date... etc. If she reacts poorly to your concerns, there may be a reason to uninvited her. Clear the air and ask everybody to act like adults. I'm sure it'll be fine.

  • Clarissa
    Expert October 2018 Saskatchewan
    Clarissa ·
    Can you not expect your friend to behave like an adult at your wedding? I think it’s pretty rude to uninvited her. And if I was her and got uninvited for those reasons I would feel pretty upset that my friends think so little of me that I would ruin their wedding over some guy.

    Have a talk with her before the wedding and let her know the other person is bringing a date and let her be upset outside the wedding. Let her know you understand it’s an awkward situation but that everyone should be able to act like adults and be civil for the day. Give her the option to not go if she thinks it will be too much and then let it go.
  • Maya
    Expert January 2019 Alberta
    Maya ·
    I would say invite her and like what people previously stated, clear the air with them. They are both important to you and should be able to act like adults. I had the exact same scenario, but it was one of my bridesmaids. I didn’t invite the other friend as our reception is going to be mostly only family and really close friends. He’s also currently in Peru and even if he is home out of respect for my friend I won’t be inviting him because of how he treated her. The situation is what it is and it cannot be changed since you have already invited her, just make sure they can tollerate each other.
  • Vinod
    Master August 2017 Ontario
    Vinod ·
    Do clear the air with them all that anything happens will not ne on your day.

    You have a lot of to tale care of the day and not have to take on anything to do with a friend and a wedding party member.
  • Tori
    Featured October 2019 Manitoba
    Tori ·

    Personally I would invite her. It's not about them on that day and you can make this very clear to all involved that you will have no problem having them escorted off the property if any drama is to occur. You want them both there and they are adults that for one day can avoid talking to each other and sitting near each other if need be. If they "can't promise anything" then I would tell them straight that they will not be welcome at the wedding as the other people have agreed unlike them. Good luck!

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