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Allison
Master October 2019 Ontario

Thank you cards - addressing parents

Allison, on January 6, 2020 at 11:50 Posted in Just married 0 26

Hi everyone, happy new year!

I'm at the point where I've started to write thank you cards, still on track to send them out around the 3 month post-wedding mark, but I need some help with the parents' thank you cards.

I've always addressed my parents as mom and dad, and my DH addresses his father as dad, he also addresses my parents by first name and I with his dad. How have past brides addressed their in-laws and parents? It feels weird to me to write my parents actual names but I also don't call my FIL dad but DH does.

FIL refers to me as daughter and my SIL just calls me her sister (which I love), my parents refer to my DH as son or son-in-law but again, it feels awkward to my DH to call my parents mom and dad. When we did invites and save the dates we just used everyone's names so should we just do that for thank you's, even though they feel more personal?

Any suggestions would be helpful! It also might be one of those things where we should just ask each parent what they'd be comfortable with lol

26 Comments

Latest activity by Allison, on January 17, 2020 at 14:31
  • Allison
    Master October 2019 Ontario
    Allison ·
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    We ended up writing mom and dad lol but wrote something about how the in-law was now official!

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  • Ashley
    VIP August 2020 Ontario
    Ashley ·
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    Write what you feel comfy with!! i would probably write something funny on my inlaws like hello my offical mother in law or something like that!

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  • Allison
    Master October 2019 Ontario
    Allison ·
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    I tend to overthink things, which is why I'm glad the community exists, thanks!

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  • Allison
    Master October 2019 Ontario
    Allison ·
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    Great idea, thanks!

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  • Candice
    Frequent user October 2021 Ontario
    Candice ·
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    Now that your married, doesn’t matter. Don’t overthink it. You now have more parents and in writing, you should always address them and mom and dad when you are both signing. If it was a card just from you, you could address them however.
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  • Michael
    Newbie October 2021 Alberta
    Michael ·
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    I would put mom and dad on your parents and sign your name first and do the reverse their dad
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  • Allison
    Master October 2019 Ontario
    Allison ·
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    Lol I think that’s what we’ll do! We wrote Grandma for our only living grandparent and it’ll make things easier.
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  • Kelsie
    Master July 2021 Ontario
    Kelsie ·
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    I have the same issue - I don't call his parents Mom or Dad, and he doesn't call my parents Mom or Dad but I think we'll address each other families how each of us would normally address them Mom/Dad, Aunt/Uncle, Grandma/Grandpa. I think it's easier and heck you're married so it's kind of official now!! lol

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  • Allison
    Master October 2019 Ontario
    Allison ·
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    Lol! I have a few weddings this and next year so I'll probably be around to ask questions on behalf of some brides (I've bugged them about joining lol).

    I've reduced my time on here to weekly vs daily but I like popping in to see how people are doing!

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  • Allison
    Master October 2019 Ontario
    Allison ·
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    Thanks Lisa! I've been referred to as daughter by my FIL many times now so I doubt it'll feel weird to call him dad. My brain is just adjusting lol

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  • Allison
    Master October 2019 Ontario
    Allison ·
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    This is true, just trying to wrap my brain around it now lol

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  • Tori
    Top October 2019 Manitoba
    Tori ·
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    Lmao all my friends bug me too Smiley tongue "when are you going to stop going on there"??? idk man, I need to make sure I stay #1 ranked! I'm way too competitive... Might die down after I post our honeymoon pics but even then it's nice to give input to others who are trying to find their way on here!

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  • Lisa
    Expert August 2019 Alberta
    Lisa ·
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    Ah, I see - I think what I would personally do is write it from you (so use whatever terms you refer to each person as) and even though it's signed by both of you they will almost certainly know that you were the one that wrote it... Not sure if that's what etiquette would state but it's what I would do. Smiley smile

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  • Vinod
    Top August 2017 Ontario
    Vinod ·
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    You two will have families together now and having two sets of parents isn't as weird anymore. Its the same when being engaged and as getting married to feel towards them as their children. It comes when each of you enter each others lives and connection as a married couple.

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  • Allison
    Master October 2019 Ontario
    Allison ·
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    So far, I've been writing all the thank you cards, but I should have extras so could send parents 2 cards! They are also big enough that we could each write a blurb on each.

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  • Allison
    Master October 2019 Ontario
    Allison ·
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    Both DH and I were stumped so he told me to ask "that wedding forum you're still addicted to" lol #noshame!

    Love how you snuck the Neu of Neuhauser in there! Smiley winking I think I'm just gonna do Mom and Dad, make it more personal/quit overthinking it!

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  • Allison
    Master October 2019 Ontario
    Allison ·
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    We are putting names on the mailing label, but just writing Dear so and so is what's tripping me up.

    As I mentioned, both sets of parents think of the "in-law" as daughter/son so I don't think it'd be too weird to write mom and dad for both.

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  • Allison
    Master October 2019 Ontario
    Allison ·
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    That is funny!

    I don't want to write the thank you cards as Mom/Dawn and Dad/Phil so I'm leaning towards just saying mom and dad. If my DH was just talking to my parents he'd call them by name but since the cards are both of us, it's odd for me to call my parents by their names.

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  • Allison
    Master October 2019 Ontario
    Allison ·
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    That could work, make my DH write at least 1 card lol!

    We're in the same boat, if we address both as mom and dad, no one would notice, it might be odd with names.

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  • Allison
    Master October 2019 Ontario
    Allison ·
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    I'm writing all the thank yous since my writing is nicer than DH and he's not one for words - he would just write: thank you for coming and your generous gift, whereas I write more and personalize when I can.

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  • Amelia
    Master October 2020 New Brunswick
    Amelia ·
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    I would each write a little tank you and enclose them in the same card, or divide the writing space in the card so you can each use the names or titles you like.
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  • Tori
    Top October 2019 Manitoba
    Tori ·
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    It's the same way with our parents - I call mine Mom and Dad and he calls his Mom and Dad, and of course we call each others parents by their first names.

    I would say to not over think it and just write Mom and Dad either way and then when you put your names at the bottom (assuming you are), write Love, Your Son and *Neu* Daughter in-law OR Love, Your Daughter and *Neu* Son in-law.

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  • Vinod
    Top August 2017 Ontario
    Vinod ·
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    My husband doesn't like calling his in laws as mom and dad all the time though they call him by his name. I call my in laws by their names and his aunt and uncle in front of it for respect. I have been brought up to respect elders as they are my own relatives.

    As for the names, personalize the names though you may get confused which mom and dad is being given the card on the outside label. Inside, you can put mom and dad so they feel that is how you look at them as your own parents.

    If only my husbands parents' were alive, I would be calling them the same as I would be their son too.

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  • A
    Super September 2020 Ontario
    Amelia ·
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    FH and I labelled his parents' Christmas gifts as Mom/Angie and Dad/Bill, which they chuckled at lol. But asking is probably your best bet if you're not sure - go with what you and they are comfortable with!

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  • Samantha
    Super June 2021 Ontario
    Samantha ·
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    That's exactly how FH and I are with our parents and in-laws too, so I feel like we'll have the same conundrum! I think only for our parent's thank you cards, we'll each write our own little blurbs so we can both give thanks in our own words, so he'll address his own parents as mom and dad while I'll address them by their names and vice versa for mine. But I also think both our parents wouldn't bat an eye if we both just went with Mom and Dad since we're all so close.
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  • Lisa
    Expert August 2019 Alberta
    Lisa ·
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    When we did our thank yous, he wrote the ones that were more "his people" and I wrote for mine. We signed from both of us in all cases, but they were addressed to whatever terms the "writer" of the card refers to the people as (hope that makes sense). Everyone will know that they are written by one person but addressed to both, so it kind of covers all bases that way.

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