Trudy
Curious September 2018 Ontario

Thank you

Trudy, on 21/September/2018 at 14:53 Posted in Just Married
Hi ladies,
my wedding was September 8/18. I’m wondering what the etiquette is with regards to sending thank you cards. We are thinking of sending out photo on our card, would it be too late to wait until our professional photos come back? Our photographer said 8 weeks before we get them.
Also, what are your thoughts on thank you cards for those who didn’t bring a gift ie.wording?
I also have conflicting feelings about a couple of guests who did attend that didn’t bring their partners/husbands and didn’t even tell me they weren’t coming. One being my MOH! One of the people who didn’t Give a gift is also one who didn’t bring their wife that that they RSVP’d would be coming. We had $1600 in no shows.

TIA
Trudy
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13 Replies

  • Gina
    Featured April 2019 Alberta
    Gina ·
    View quoted message
    I’m in the same boat as you. Very well said
  • Rekramer
    Expert November 2018 Ontario
    Rekramer ·

    That's a lot of no shows and that really sucks, I'm sorry people were so rude about your special day.

    With regard to photos, I suggest reaching out to your photographer and advising you'd like to use a photo for thank you cards, and is there any chance you could get one earlier? If not, 3-6 months post-wedding is a very reasonable time frame to send out cards anyways.

    I didn't realize that apparently tradition is that people are actually allowed to send you gifts within 1 year of your wedding, so perhaps more gifts are headed your way? Either way, thanking your guests for attending the wedding, and letting them know that it was so wonderful and meaningful to see them on your special day, is a good message clear across the board.

    I probably wouldn't say anything about the no-show spouses and the like, there's just no point with some people.

  • Melissa
    Beginner September 2018 Ontario
    Melissa ·

    I'm of the mindset that Thank You cards are an absolute must. I'm sending cards to each couple/ household that attended whether they brought a gift or not, plus cards to those who couldn't attend but sent a gift anyway, and to those who weren't invited but sent a gift. I'm also sending thank you cards to all my vendors.

    What I did was within 3 days of my wedding I received about 25 sneak peek photos from my photographer. I took my favourite one and had thank you cards printed on VistaPrint. They are very reasonable (roughly a dollar a card), and if you get the premium glossy paper - they look really nice. I had my thank you cards in hand 10 days after my wedding and have been going through our list of thank yous as I've had some free time.

    Yes it's a pain, yes your hand will hate you, yes it costs money - but the effort that you put in really shows that you are gracious and thankful for their support.

    Just my opinion...

  • Fiorina
    Curious July 2018 Ontario
    Fiorina ·
    We got married on July 28th and in our speech, we thanked everyone for coming. We also gave a custom made bottle of wine (which is delicious- we had extra) and I’ll be sending out formal thank you cards. I waited until I got my professional photos back and chose one of those photos for the thank you card, added a thank you message and then ordered them on optimal print. I ordered some blank ones which I will be personalizing for close family and our vendors. I’m hoping to get them all addressed this weekend and sending them out next week
  • Trudy
    Curious September 2018 Ontario
    Trudy ·
    View quoted message
    I feel it’s inportant to express my gratitude for the gifts. I certainly thanked the guests at the wedding for coming. In my personal opinion not doing a thank you (by whatever means possible ie. a phone card, personal email, postage thank you) is in poor taste.
  • Trudy
    Curious September 2018 Ontario
    Trudy ·
    View quoted message
    I think I’m with you in terms of not sending a thank you, the favour and speaking to them at the wedding and thanking them for coming is sufficient.
  • Kay
    Devoted September 2018 Nova Scotia
    Kay ·

    We actually are giving people thank you cards with hand written notes inside of them along with their favour at the actual wedding. That way, it is dealt with. Then a non-formal follow-up regarding gifts (in your situation) would be more than appropriate. You also wouldn't need to worry about postage!

  • Angel
    Frequent user June 2019 British Columbia
    Angel ·

    We do not plan to send thank you cards due to budget constraints...but we will definitely take the time on our wedding night to thank each guest for coming to the wedding! Based on my own experience, most people don't really hang on to thank you cards so I personally feel there's not much value added.

  • Vinod
    Master August 2017 Ontario
    Vinod ·
    I myself thought about the postage and cost to go with sending out thank you cards after the fact. I did the same as Lynnie suggested by putting the favour with the card per household/couple/individual and names personally. It saved a lot of time and effort of writing to everyone after.
  • Bianca
    Featured August 2019 Ontario
    Bianca ·

    I think Stephanie got it on the nose in regards to how to be polite and not mention the fact that these guests either didn't bring a gift or their plus one. It's a shame that that happened tho

  • Stephanie
    Featured July 2018 Alberta
    Stephanie ·

    Congrats on the wedding!

    We are also waiting until our professional photos are back to send thank yous. "They" say you have a year to send them. I would tend to think three months is more reasonable than a year.

    As for those who didn't bring a gift, just write something along the lines of "Thank you for celebrating our special day with us!" It can be short and sweet, but shouldn't mention the fact they didn't bring a gift.

    As for those who didn't bring a plus one when they said they would,

    yes, it's annoying, yes, it's a lot of money, but be the bigger person and send a thank you anyway. Similar to those who didn't bring a gift, just mention the person who came and that's it. No need to mention that they had RSVP'd for two; if you really want to say something about it, it should be said in person, not a card.

  • Brittany
    Featured January 2019 British Columbia
    Brittany ·

    Hello! My opinion: No thank you card if your not thanking them for a gift. Those who did give gifts, do your best to make sure they know that you know what they got you. The generic, "Thanks for attending our wedding and the thoughtful gift" may as well send out a bulk e-mail.

    I think asking your photographer for 3 options of photos (sneak peaks, per say), so you can pick one to put on your thank you cards, is what you should do. We are asking our photographer for 3-5 options by noon the next day, so that I can pick one and order our thank you cards before we get on our honeymoon flight. They'll be in just after we get back 2 weeks later, and then I'll send them out within the month.

    Personally, I think thank you cards should go out as soon as possible, barring ordering the cards and not writing them on your honeymoon. Your photographer should be able to provide you with a couple photos at least, just let them know you'd like one to put on/in your cards.

  • Lynnie
    Administrator October 2016 North Carolina
    Lynnie ·

    Hi Trudy! How long do you think it would take to then order and print your thank you notes once you've received your pictures? I think if you can get all you thank yous sent out within 3 months of the wedding then you're ok!

    I did not send any thank-you notes for attendance - I think that greeting and thanking your guests at the wedding and giving them a favor covers the "thank you for attending" part!! Also there's always a chance that some of your guests are gift stragglers and might still send you a gift, in which case you'd have to send another thank you!

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