Jen
Super bride June 2018 Ontario

Rough day already...

Jen, on 13/September/2017 at 11:37 Posted in Before the wedding

And it's only 1030 in the morning here. Everything is hitting me now about the blow out with my MOH. I feel lost and I hate that we got to this. A part of me wants to talk to her and try and fix things but another part of me is afraid that it won't fix anything at all. Like I've mentioned before, she's not that interested in weddings, period. For what reason I don't even know. But I figured she would have given me more since it was for me. She's a very stubborn person and I feel like even if I try to talk to her it won't get us anywhere. Is there a point? I'm sorry if this post doesn't make much sense. I just feel... lost.

I thought that I would have heard from her since it happened. We haven't talked since August 29th. And the crappy thing is every time we talk about important things and it does blow up its always through text. She's not one to talk to my face about how she's feeling. She doesn't like the confrontation. She has told me a few times that after her brothers wedding is over (it's this weekend) that she would be able to spare time for me. If I were to talk to her and try and clear the air, should I wait until after the wedding so that she isn't distracted? Please help me. I feel like a bag of poop.

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8 Replies

  • Jen
    Super bride June 2018 Ontario
    Jen ·

    So, I texted her, even though the wedding is tomorrow and she said she would definitely like to talk. We've been chatting here and there since then. Things feel much less stressful between us.

    I just need to point out to those who are making comments about needing to find other arrangements to add a different person to the wedding party; I don't need to have a bridal party to get married. I don't need to replace somebody just because I'm down a person. I haven't asked the bridal party to plan anything for any assistance because we didn't want to put anything on them. Its our day and we just wanted to celebrate it with our closest friends and family. All we have required them to do is to pick out their outfits and purchase them. You don't need to have a wedding party to get married or at the very least you don't need it to be even on both sides. It grinds my gears when people say this. If she isn't going to be my MOH I'm not going to replace her. She would be the only person that I would want in that position. I don't have many girl friends, which is why I don't have a big bridal party. I'm the type of girl who's better friends with guys than girls. I've always been that way. So I don't have an over abundance of people to choose from. I chose very carefully who I wanted to be a part of our day. I don't have all of these spare cousins or other friends from college I can just text out of the blue to ask. Sorry if this is coming across as a little harsh.. I'm not meaning it to sound that way.

    We are planning to talk next week after her family leaves. I will keep you all updated.

  • Sonja
    Super bride September 2017 Ontario
    Sonja ·

    You should be talking to Carol. She just posted a similar crisis. This is how I feel. It's your special day, yours and your husband's. Who has the right to ruin that? NOBODY! So having said that, you can continue to feel badly OR you can speak to her and let her know that this isn't making you happy and perhaps she should step down. I'm sure there is a friend, cousin, other relative that would absolutely be tickled pink if you asked her to be your MOH. She would be so delighted that she'd make every effort to be there for you and help. Who is that person? You know who she is, and it's not this girl. Life is too short to get wrapped up in drama so live it to it's fullest and just say, "Fine, this isn't working out so N E X T ! !

  • R
    Curious bride December 2017 Ontario
    Ranaaaaaa ·

    Tough one.. i hope it all works out for you and your MOH.


    No matter what the issue or what comes out of it, I would rather know earlier on and make the proper arrangements (worst case scenario, she decides she doesnt want to be a part of the wedding). I would just want to get it out of the way. Maybe let her know that you know she is busy but you would like to talk to her about everything face to face when she has time.


  • Charlotte
    Curious bride August 2018 Ontario
    Charlotte ·
    You have to speak with her face to face, it's important that she is your right hand through the planning process. If you let this fester it will affect your ability to plan and enjoy your day And you may end up resenting her later.
    Speak to her after her brothers wedding and resolve the issue. If the issue cannot be resolved then you may have to get another moh. YOU WANT PEOPLE IN YOUR BRIDAL PARTY THAT SUPPORT YOU!! Don't forget that
    All the best hun
  • Lesley
    Super bride September 2017 Manitoba
    Lesley Online ·

    Definitely wait until after the wedding. She won't be able to do anything anyway and it will just make things more stressful for her. Good luck!

  • Ashleybride2018
    Devoted bride June 2018 Alberta
    Ashleybride2018 Online ·

    That's a tough one, but the sooner you talk to her the better, because if she bails on the wedding, hopefully not, youll need a replacement. Better to sort this out now rather than later. Just to be safe. Hope things pan out!!!

  • Kathy
    Frequent user bride June 2018 Ontario
    Kathy ·

    I would say wait until the wedding this weekend is over and then reach out. If she is the type that is very non-confrontational, I would interpret the silence as her being afraid to talk about how she is feeling. I think that this is a conversation that should be had in person though. Something as serious as a potential "friendship breakup" should not be talked about through texts. Things can be misinterpreted and tones can be misread. I would say reach out and see if you can go for a coffee and really hash out what is going on with both of you. If you loved her enough to ask her to be your MOH, it's worth trying to salvage whatever relationship is still there.

  • Andrea
    Frequent user bride September 2017 Ontario
    Andrea ·

    That's a tough one...arguments with friends as an adult feel so much more difficult than when you were young and knew you'd make up soon.

    Maybe once the wedding has passed this weekend, send her a message asking if she is still interested in being a part of your wedding and if not, you can start looking to make alternate arrangements. If it were me, I would let her know that I would be interpreting silence or lack of response as a desire to not be involved any more, but that's my style. It may be that she doesn't want to be involved anymore and just doesn't know how to say that. And as much as that hurts you, it would be better for you to surround yourself with people on your wedding day who love and support you and are excited for your special day.

    I know it's not easy, but I'd rather not have someone around that is going to detract from my happiness on my wedding day...who knows, maybe if you speak your piece and let her know that she can back out and after having a bit of time to cool down and really consider her options, she'll change her mind and act better.

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