Expert September 2019 Manitoba


Kelly, on 26/March/2019 at 11:58 Posted in Before the wedding

Our venue only has 6 1-hour slots available for rehearsals, and they're given on a first come/first serve basis.

I thought I was being nice by sending my bridal party a doodle poll for their availability, but everybody is just putting their favourite option rather than what they can/are willing to make work...that wasn't the point; I wanted their availability, not their preference (yes, I specified that).

My maid of honour texted me and said "we can only make the earlier times because of the baby". But everybody else is working and can only make the later times. The wedding is half a year away still so who knows what the baby will be like then....and only she has to be at the rehearsal; her husband isn't part of the bridal party.

Part of me feels like I shouldn't have given the option lol. Would have been easier to say "this is our rehearsal time slot. Make it work."



  • Donna Yeung
    Devoted August 2018 British Columbia
    Donna Yeung ·

    Hi Kelly,

    Having kids definitely does make scheduling things harder. I think for your case, pick a time that works most for the majority. And for those who can't make it, one of the other attendees will have to fill them in on what to do.

    I was part of 1 wedding last year where I wasn't able to fly in on time for the rehearsal. I had already moved to the USA after my wedding and she had originally told me it was going to be on friday. So I planned to fly in on the thursday night. However, after i booked my flight, she told me they had to change it to the thursday night which I would have missed by a couple hours. So that was unfortunate, but since i've been a part of enough weddings, I just had one of the other girls guide me on how to walk (plus, if they are walking with a groomsmen down the aisle, just let the guy take the lead).

  • Bianca
    Featured August 2019 Ontario
    Bianca ·

    If I were you, I'd turn around and tell the bridal party that "this is the time, make it happen!". Maybe wedding planning has just made me bitter, but you can't be too nice to people to work around their time. It's your wedding and you're very busy. It's just an hour and they should all be able to make it work.

  • Erin
    Super May 2020 Ontario
    Erin ·
    I agree just day this is our time and that's it. I have 2 small girls and I can make arrangements to have them looked after so I'm sure she can too.

  • Valérie
    VIP September 2019 Quebec
    Valérie ·

    They don't need to know that the other time slots are still available, so you can just pick a time and tell them to show up. If they ask about the doodle poll, just tell them that it was to get a feel for times, but that ultimately you had to pick what was available.

  • Kelly
    Expert September 2019 Manitoba
    Kelly ·
    View quoted message

    Yes absolutely! We wanted to do dinner after the rehearsal as well! I'm hoping she stays and doesn't run off home.

    She tends to overthink things haha. Her husband and (by then) 10 month old will survive a couple hours without her.

  • Candace
    VIP May 2019 Ontario
    Candace ·

    I would book a time and when it comes close to the date discuss with her that you only need her there and see if she can make it work with her husband watching the baby.

    We didn't ask our wedding party at all, we just said that we start decorating the venue Friday @4 and we will be eating at 7 so be there sometime in between and so far they have all managed to make it work.

  • Becky
    VIP September 2019 Ontario
    Becky ·

    I would pick a time slot and tell them this is when it will be, you can wait till closer too and as its a year out. she has time to find a sitter or have someone watch it for few hours

  • Allison
    Master October 2019 Ontario
    Allison ·

    We just picked a time with our venue and told our wedding party! No fuss, no hassle since I know if we had a poll people would put their preferences over availability.

  • M
    Curious May 2019 British Columbia
    Michelle ·

    I kept trying to be super nice and flexible with everyone's wants/schedules etc., and you can't make everyone happy. Go with the schedule that works with you and FH, and everyone will have to follow along. They agreed to be in your wedding party, and they understand the responsibility.

    With the rehearsal, it's really only for the wedding party anyway (none of my party's spouses will be there). We're going for dinner after, and the spouses will be joining us there.

  • Holly
    VIP June 2019 Ontario
    Holly ·
    View quoted message
    I totally would understand if her husband had to be there why she wouldn't want the later slot because that's just a pain with babies (depending on the age) but since he doesn't have to be there then I really see no problem for her.
  • Kelly
    Expert September 2019 Manitoba
    Kelly ·
    View quoted message

    Haha, yeah that was my thinking. I did text her and say "chances are good that we'll have the later time slot due to everybody else's work schedules". So at least shes got the heads up and can make plans!

  • Holly
    VIP June 2019 Ontario
    Holly ·
    "The rehearsal is at 6pm on May 31st, be there or don't show up to the wedding" That's what I told them.😂 That sounds harsh but I know my wedding party and if I offer them several times they will start going by preference over availability. So we didn't give them a choice and that worked because they all worked their schedules around it. Your MOH with the baby is just using her baby as an excuse. Like you said it's half a year away and her husband can take care of the baby.. I have a 4½ month old and when either on of us needs to do something alone it's not even a question..the other stays with the baby. It's not too late..pick a time and tell them to make it work, clearly a later time is best so your MOH will make it work if she wants to be your MOH..
  • Tori
    Featured October 2019 Manitoba
    Tori Online ·

    Ughhh I hate when that happens - that almost happened with our wedding social time slots as to who works door, 50/50, and texas mickey at what time.

    I would let her know before setting the time at the later time slot and just mention that the baby will be older so the sleeping pattern may be different - or her husband could watch the baby - or if she needed to I would let her bring the baby and just exit the room if the baby starts crying or anything. I'm sure she would understand that it makes sense to accommodate the majority.

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