Amanda
Super August 2018 Alberta

Not seeing eye to eye...

Amanda, on 24/August/2017 at 19:08 Posted in Plan a wedding
Hey everyone!
So I need some advice...
My fiancé and I got engaged last October, and we've been planning our wedding on our own. Neither of our parents really had a wedding (they just did the courthouse thing), so we've been trying to figure everything out by"learning as we go". But it's insanely stressful. We have no one to give us advice or give us pointers. And I'm terrified something is going to get looked over, or we will forget something, or something will go wrong. And that's the last thing anyone wants on their wedding day...
I'm an over-stresser. I know I am. But I want to be able to enjoy every aspect of my day and I don't want to stress over stressing... which I know I probably will. So I was thinking of hiring a "month-of" coordinator.
I've found a coordinator that is a relatively decent price, and she's asking for us to have a consultation to go over exactly what I'm looking for her to do... but here's the problem... my fiancé doesn't think we need help.
He says that it's a waste of money. That we will figure everything out, that there's no need to pay someone to boss everyone around and that I'm uselessly worrying (he might be a tad right on that part). But I can't help that I worry over it... and I think it'll just get to be too much...
So, I need some advice on whether or not I try and get him to see my point of view on things, and look at hiring some help... or if I just try and let it go and trust him when he thinks we can do it on our own...
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16 Comments

  • H
    Frequent user June 2019 Ontario
    Hj ·

    He doesn't think you need one?

    Great!

    All of the coordination and organizing in the last month and the day of is now his responsibility.

    Problem solved.

  • Carol
    Super March 2018 Ontario
    Carol ·
    View quoted message

    Very good advice


  • Melissa
    Devoted November 2017 Ontario
    Melissa ·

    The question you really need to ask your FH is if the extra expense is worth your sanity and nerves. If you feel that you need a bit of help, there's no shame in that at all!

    I totally understand the stress of planning a wedding on your own. My FH and I are pretty easygoing and relaxed about all the planning, and we've had 10 months to plan, so things are coming along and seem to be right on track.

    I would hire a planner too, but I'd freak out that they would miss something!
    This way, I know that I'm in control and that my FH and I (and whomever we delegate) are in charge of all the details.

  • Sydney
    Expert August 2018 Ontario
    Sydney ·

    I think that if you're stressing out, the cost of a coordinator, might just also be the cost of some peace of mind! Our venue has a day-of coordinator, but all the other planning is left up to us. You could always hire the coordinator, and then try to save in other aspects of your budget!

  • Tiffany
    Devoted October 2017 Ontario
    Tiffany ·

    I would meet with her and see what she has to say - she will go over what her fees include and what she can do for you!! You don't want to be worrying about little details during the day and making sure people know where they are suppose to be. I would vote for one if you don't have anyone else that is able to help you!! Smiley heart

  • Rekramer
    Expert November 2018 Ontario
    Rekramer ·

    So, I am much like you and know NOTHING about weddings. Luckily for me, my best friend, maid of honour, and overall second love of my life has been in many wedding parties and is really great with this stuff. She's also a professional like me, and really understand both value-for-money and the importance of expertise. She's told me, for example, we can make all our own favours, invitations, and I'm fairly crafty, so probably flowers no problem. But one place she said its worth it to spend money is on a coordinator. You might not need full coordination, but most coordinators offer a consultation and day-of coordination. And apparently they are worth every penny for peace of mind and the amount of TIME you would otherwise spend on planning and stress. Your peace of mind has a price tag, and it sounds like, a reasonable one in this situation. Also keep in mind that men, even the good ones, usually really don't understand how involved wedding planning is, and how much more time you'll spend on it than they will.

  • Lisa
    VIP May 2018 Ontario
    Lisa ·
    I hired a DOC because I planned and executed our engagement party for 90 ppl and I was exhausted! My fiance realised that we wouldn't enjoy our day with 225 people because all we would be doing is running around! I'm glad we found it in our budget to do so. Best move I made.
  • Bethany
    Super August 2017 Alberta
    Bethany ·
    I felt the same as you. I would hire that person, cuz sometimes feeling peace of mind is priceless. Your fiancé is probably right, but you need to invest in things that relieve you. Even if things happen exactly as they would happen if you hadn't got a coordinator, having that peace of mind and relief from stress throughout the process, is worth it. You need to be happy and relaxed, so whatever it takes, do that. Whether it's challenging your thoughts, or hiring a coordinator to make sure you don't miss anything.
  • Amanda
    Super August 2018 Alberta
    Amanda ·
    View quoted message
    Not really. My MOH is my sister... and she has no idea what she's doing (I'm planning my own bridal shower and bachelorette)... and the Best Man... well let's just say I'll be lucky if he even does a speech...
    Not the best people for the roles, we know. But they are the 2 people who are most important to us
  • Sonja
    VIP September 2017 Ontario
    Sonja ·
    View quoted message

    Usually the best man and MOH are the people who do that. Would they help you out?

  • Amanda
    Super August 2018 Alberta
    Amanda ·
    View quoted message
    I'm not really looking into a coordinator for the actual planning. More for day-of stuff. To make sure all my vendors are organized and that the day runs smoothly. We have most of the actual planning done already.
  • Sonja
    VIP September 2017 Ontario
    Sonja ·

    You're on a website that can give you lots of advice that you don't need to pay for. The most important thing is THE LIST. Write everything down and check off things as you go along. You are both intelligent people. You can manage this. You're not on your own because you've got all of us. Any questions? Put them up for us to help you with it. It's really not that difficult to put a wedding together. You can do it!! And you'll be so proud of yourselves that you accomplished it together.

    P.S. Make a list for your FH to take care of too. Don't do everything.

  • Amanda
    Super August 2018 Alberta
    Amanda ·
    View quoted message
    His biggest problem with it is the cost. He doesn't think we have the money in the budget for a coordinator. Which I can kind of understand, cause we are pretty much at he top of our budget... but I think it's one of those things that you cut other things for... especially if it will help both of us keep our sanity in the long run...
  • Amanda
    Super August 2018 Alberta
    Amanda ·
    View quoted message
    My thoughts exactly
  • Lesley
    Super September 2017 Manitoba
    Lesley ·
    I agree with Daphne. To be honest, I don't know of a lot of couples that share wedding tasks equally it typically always falls to the bride.
    I think it's worth meeting with a month of Coordinator just to see what she says but everything should be booked and scheduled before she starts so maybe a day-of or week of is all you need.
    Don't be afraid to pay people to do things. My parents are very much, "we can pick it up" people but the day of our wedding I'm paying $100 for the florist to drive to the venue and set up the flowers and then drop off the bouquets with me.
    I think that is well worth the $100.
    Also, take the time to write every possible thing you can think of on a spreadsheet even if it seems too small because it does help keep you calm when you feel overwhelmed.
  • Daphne
    Super July 2017 British Columbia
    Daphne ·
    If you think you're stressing now with everything you have to do, it's going to be just as stressful, if not more, to have to manage all your vendors on the day of your wedding. You want to enjoy your wedding day, not have to work while trying to get married. A day-of coordinator is a good compromise of doing everything yourself and enjoying every moment of your wedding day.

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