Expert September 2018 Ontario

Need to vent - family causing drama

Leanne, on 5/July/2018 at 10:46 Posted in Plan a wedding

So some background info: I am very close with my immediate and extended family, both my mother and grandmother have been the "glue" for their generations. I don't have any aunts or cousins, just one uncle. My moms cousins and their kids are who I called my aunts, uncles and cousins growing up.

One of my aunts is re-married and I have only met her new husband twice and his kids from his previous marriage once (at my cousins funeral). I obviously invited my aunt and her hubby to my wedding, but did not invite his children. When she RSVP'd on my website she added his sons name. I told my mom out of frustration because I did not know how to handle the situation. We decided to just leave it and avoid the family drama. THEN, she invites my uncles new girlfriend to my bridal shower without asking and I had only met her briefly once before. A bit of a touchy subject because his previous wife was my favourite aunt growing up. It would not have been a big deal if it was a backyard shower or at someone's house, but it was at a sit-down restaurant where my mother had to pay per person. But now she has invited multiple people to my different wedding events without asking first, and when her son got married, none of our side of the family was even invited!

I am not one for confrontation and have decided to just let it go (since my great aunt has already yelled at my aunt for this.)....but I am still a little rattled about it all.

rant over



  • Maya
    Expert January 2019 Alberta
    Maya ·
    It feels good to vent, I have one uncle that I’m worried will bring a cousin who drinks too much and causes drama. Trying to find a polite word to say no substitutions of guests other than who is listed on the invitation.
  • Vinod
    Master August 2017 Ontario
    Vinod ·
    This isn't something your own aunt should be doing to you for your wedding.

    I'm glad it worked out and sure she will eventually apologize for the wrong doings. Your aunt's mother stepped in and did the right thing to say what she did the day before.
  • Sarah
    Frequent user July 2020 Nova Scotia
    Sarah ·
    Awe shoot *hugs* I'm so sorry you're having so many troubles. I hope you can start having things work out a little better for you. Confrontation is just no fun
  • Clarissa
    Expert October 2018 Saskatchewan
    Clarissa ·
    View quoted message
    Ok I thought you meant your mom invited the extra guest. But yes venting and just letting it out feels so much better. I'm glade your shower went well.
  • Leanne
    Expert September 2018 Ontario
    Leanne ·
    View quoted message

    Thank you, that is exactly what I am trying to do! It was only the day before the event that I had found out my aunt had invited someone else to the shower. It ended up working out because one of my friends had to cancel last minute and her plate was already paid for, so we had the space. My mom and I both agreed, to avoid family drama, it would be fine to have her there.

    My aunt has now been told by her mother (my moms aunt) that what she did was out of line and unacceptable. Everything at the shower ended up going okay - to be honest I thought my aunt would at least apologize, but she didn't. It's done with now and I am moving on, I just needed to let it out.

  • Clarissa
    Expert October 2018 Saskatchewan
    Clarissa ·
    If it bothers you that much site down and talk to your mom about what you want for these pre wedding events. Make sure she knows the guest list for the weddingand that you would really rather keep these events more intimate. Also, make sure she doesn't have guests expecting wedding invitations if they aren't invited to the actual wedding.

    But at the end of the day if she's paying for the event and wants to add extra guests it's her party and she gets the final say (even if your the guest of honor). I think you just need to let it go. Be mad, be frustrated, yell at the walls, and vent all you want in private (or here). But then try to move on. You don't need to be holding onto negative feelings goig into the wedding day.

  • Catherine
    Newbie August 2018 Ontario
    Catherine ·

    I'm so sorry you had to deal with that *hugs*

    My perspective is that it's still better to disagree with your own family than your SO's. At least in my family. I feel very comfortable yelling at my family Not so much the SO's.

    This is so disrespectful of your aunt, though.

    Maybe you could delegate to a loving family member to take care of this?

    Good luck!

  • Leanne
    Expert September 2018 Ontario
    Leanne ·
    View quoted message

    Unfortunately this is easier said then done when it comes to family for me. But I agree with your point.

  • Gina
    Super April 2019 Alberta
    Gina Online ·
    I’m so sorry you’re going through this Leanne! Weddings can bring the worst out in some people. Who invites someone without asking first? That’s insane to me! Everyone in my family is divorced. It creates such an uncomfortable dynamic. I don’t like confrontation either, and I’m a people pleaser. So I get stressed out, then the anxiety kicks in. Without a doubt, I thought wedding planning would be fun, until I started doing it. Lol. I really don’t have any advice, but best of luck to you in the situation. I do think something should be said to her about inviting people!
  • Natalie
    Curious August 2019 Ontario
    Natalie ·
    Also if you don’t stay firm and say something now, they’ll continue to act like this. For the wedding and also important events in the future.
  • Natalie
    Curious August 2019 Ontario
    Natalie ·
    I’d say something. It’s your wedding and they’re causing you extra unnecessary stress. If people get upset over it and can’t understand how it’s affecting you and making it all about them, those aren’t people you really need in your life anyway. No love lost in my opinion
  • Tori
    Featured October 2019 Manitoba
    Tori ·

    Oh my gosh. I don't know how you haven't exploded yet but I commend you for it! Good on you for taking the high road and letting it go as in the end going with the flow = less conflict and a better time.

  • Megis
    Devoted August 2018 Ontario
    Megis ·

    Oh man each bride has to go throughfamily drama it seems. My advice is to confront them and be firm. Sate why it is inappropriate and makes you feel uncomfortable and mention costs if that helps. Uninvited guests are just rude in this case. Also ask why he has to invite her. It could be that he wants her to feel included.

  • Jennifer
    Super July 2019 Ontario
    Jennifer ·

    Ugghhh. that's a lot to handle. would definitely be frustrating.

    I would talk to my mom about how if she is paying she gets a say, but you wish she would have talked to you first. so you could have discussed it properly.

    weddings are tough with families....so tough.

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