Emily
Devoted October 2018 Ontario

Navigating Friendships

Emily, on 3/September/2018 at 22:39 Posted in Just Married
So I’ve been debating to post this but thought it might be worth getting some thoughts, feelings and or advice from others brides to be or those that are already married.

For me I’ll be one of the first ones married from my close group of friends. A lot of my best friends are single. Which is totally okay! But I definitely feel like I’ve reached the age where a lot of us are at different places in our lives. I was always one of those people who thought I’d be single forever and I was okay with it and then I met my FH. So I feel a bit weird to be one of the first ones married. I never could have predicted this! I am so excited to marry my FH and our future together. But I am left wondering a out how friendships grow and change at this phase of life.

How do you navigate/manage it? Was it a hard transition for you?

Any thoughts or words of wisdom are much appreciated.

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18 Comments

  • Emily
    Devoted October 2018 Ontario
    Emily ·
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    Thank you for your comments! I needed that. So nice about you and your friend as well.
  • Emily
    Devoted October 2018 Ontario
    Emily ·
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    Ah okay that’s great to know! I’ve always been one to place importance on friends and for most of my life I was the single friend so I get it. I guess I’m also worried they won’t make the effort with me as much once I’m married but that’s probably silly.
  • Allison
    Master October 2019 Ontario
    Allison ·
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    That's what I'm thinking too! Moving together will be more of a transition than marriage lol

  • Emily
    Devoted October 2018 Ontario
    Emily ·
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    It sounds like we are in a very similar situation! I’ve been living with my FH for a year and a half as well and I know when we moved in together I was concerned about my friends and I still make the effort so I guess it should be the same with marriage!
  • Stephanie
    Master July 2018 Alberta
    Stephanie ·

    Friendships CAN change, but they don't have to! You might find you want to spend more time with other couples than with your single friends. That's okay. Just still make time for those friends. I was the last of my friends to get married, so I felt like I was always put on the backburner when someone else got married. Now that I'm married, I get it, but as a single, I wanted to hang out more than they could. I would say just make time for them. My university friends had a weekly girls night. Another friend, we would Facetime a couple times a month and watch a movie on netflix at the same time!

    My husband plays volleyball once a week, so I take that time to catch up with a friend or two.

    I also think you will find it easier to maintain those friendships once they start to marry. A few friends I haven't talked to in awhile, we have now reconnected because we are in the same boat again.

  • Allison
    Master October 2019 Ontario
    Allison ·

    I'm very aware/concerned about changing friendships too! I'm the first one in my university friend group who is getting married but I've lived with my FH now for 1 1/2 years now so that was more of a transition when I moved out of our student apartment. I make time for them, especially with my FH's work schedule it's pretty easy to have a girls night. Most of my close friends don't live close at all, so I take time to text/call for a bit to catch up.

  • Jennifer
    Super July 2019 Ontario
    Jennifer ·

    Good for you for being aware/concerned about how this could change. I am one of the last of my friends to get married. and I was the friend that was the solo girl FOREVER.

    honestly it won't change things drastically. if you don't let it. and they don't. relationships always evolve/change. good friends will not let you leave their life regardless of the change.

    my best friend and I haven't seen each other in over 6 years (she lives in the states). we haven't let us affect us.

  • Emily
    Devoted October 2018 Ontario
    Emily ·
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    Thank you Lisa! That is great advice and so nice to hear about you and your friend. I know a lot of my friends have been having different feeling about life and friendships and I think part of it is just navigating your late 20s and growing up and things changing.
  • Emily
    Devoted October 2018 Ontario
    Emily ·
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    Okay this makes me feel a bit better! I just keep envisioning a lot of change. But since my FH have been together and also moved in together I’ve still made time for all my friends so I guess why would it change once we are officially married.
  • Lisa
    Featured August 2019 Alberta
    Lisa ·

    I think the fact that you are asking shows a level of great awareness and respect for your friends - being aware that this may alter things somewhat is great. As we age (I've got a few years on most of you here) we find that some friendship evolve based on where we are in life - but those friendships that are real and important will last, so long as both sides still look after the friendship.

    I have a friend of over 20 years that has never been in a serious relationship since I've known her. Sometimes we hang out in group settings, sometimes I make sure that we have time with just her and I and sometimes she'll hang out with me and my FH. We share similar work history (working with her is how we met) and we were both single Moms so we have that connection. But most of all, we've just always supported each other - that has stayed the same, no matter where we are in our lives.

    There's also been some friendships that fade over time as lives start to go in different directions - and that's okay too. It doesn't always have to be about ending a friendship - sometimes things just take off in opposite trajectories because, well - life happens to all of us at a different pace.

    Take care of the friendships that are important, let go of those that aren't good and healthy and be grateful that everyone that enters our lives are there for a reason, a season or a lifetime. Smiley smile

  • Leanne
    Expert September 2018 Ontario
    Leanne ·

    I am not married yet, but I am actually one of the last of my friends to get married. From experience marriage will not change your friendships. The people you will want to stay close with, you will. You may find other couples to do things with for some things, but you can still fin time for girls nights as well. The milestone that you will notice a change the most is when you start talking about babies.

  • Stephanie
    VIP May 2019 Ontario
    Stephanie ·
    It's funny I'm the same! I always thought I would be single forever, my FH is was my first serious boyfriend at 24 years old! My friends are all in relationships which I suppose makes it easier? But we are the first to get married out of all of our friends! It's a bit different too we are not able to live together before marriage but all of our friends live with their S/O already so I guess they have the benefits of marriage already?
    Just make sure you make time for your friends as you start this new life journey! Make time for "girls nights" and "guys nights" just so your friends dont think theyve lost you! Marriage isnt hard to manage both... I think once kids start happening that's when the real division comes.
  • Emily
    Devoted October 2018 Ontario
    Emily ·
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    Yeah it would definitely be hard to maintain those types of friendships. I know my fiancé often had the same experiences with some guys. But great that you have found new friends that are on a similar path to
    you!
  • Emily
    Devoted October 2018 Ontario
    Emily ·
    Yeah it would definitely be hard to maintain those types of friendships. I know my fiancé often had the same experiences with some guys. But great that you have found new friends that are on a similar path to
    you!
  • Emily
    Devoted October 2018 Ontario
    Emily ·
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    Thank you! I definitely had to make that decision with a friend during this process. It can be hard to let go but I definitely agree it’s not worth your emotional sanity.
  • Emily
    Devoted October 2018 Ontario
    Emily ·
    It’s not so much that I am looking to remove friends. My inner circle is small and made up of some great girls. A lot of them live about a 40 minute distance which we’ve managed for years, on top of me soon getting married! It’s more just wondering about how you navigate the transition with marriage and how things may change and embracing your different lives.

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