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Kaela
Beginner April 2018 British Columbia

moh quit... replace or not?

Kaela, on November 23, 2017 at 13:59 Posted in Before the wedding 0 11

Hey guys! I had a very disinterested MOH who did throw me a wedding shower. I thought she might need a bit of guidance so I sent her a list of MOH to give her an idea of what MOHs usually do.

Last night she called me up, said some very hurtful words, tried to make it seem like it was my fault and that I was being unreasonable by wanting her to throw me a shower and a bachelorette party before the wedding for about 5-6 girls. Long story short, she stepped down from being MOH, didn't even want to be a bridesmaid because apparently I was going to throw things on her that she couldn't do (like apparently I've been doing this whole time), and is now not coming to the wedding at all because she thinks her boss won't let her have time time off work since she's not in the wedding party anymore (she works part time). She proved to me that she isn't a true friend.

I asked one of my bridesmaids that I already had to be the new MOH. Should I ask another friend to be a bridesmaid too? My fiancé has three groomsman and I now have one MOH and one bridesmaid. 3 each was our limit.

How can I ask a friend without making it seem like they're second choice?

11 Comments

Latest activity by Holly, on December 18, 2017 at 00:12
  • Holly
    Expert June 2019 Ontario
    Holly ·
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    I can relate to you here. The MOH I picked had a history of being a bit flakey but against my better judgement I still chose her. I chose to replace her with the one I should have originally chose. My original MOH also ended up not even being a bridesmaid due to conflict she kept starting with me. Unfortunately I then jumped in to replace her as bridesmaid and regret that decision. My advice for you is to just let it rest a bit then really think over, talk to your fiancé and see how he feels. Don't jump the gun and replace unless you're absolutely positive you are making the right choice. Trust me, now I'm stuck in a situation I never thought I'd be in..
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  • Victoria
    Expert November 2019 Ontario
    Victoria ·
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    Do you have any family you could ask?


    If not, just tell your friend what happened. If shes close enough you want her to be a bridesmaid im sure she will understand.

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  • Kaela
    Beginner April 2018 British Columbia
    Kaela ·
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    Thanks so much gals, I found someone else to be bridesmaid no. 3 and she's already started planning the bach party. It's all good on the wedding party end!

    Ugh also, the ex-MOH called me up again to tell me that she was now coming and would be bringing a guest. Without asking.

    Next debate topic... how to educate people who clearly have never even heard of wedding etiquette?!

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  • Bethany
    Super July 2018 Alberta
    Bethany ·
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    Sorry this happened to you! I had something similar, my sister lives in a different province so she was supposed to come down for a month, meet the girls and then the plan was for them all to order dresses/pick the dress so she could order it. Well long story short... She stayed for a week and left abruptly and took a taxi to the airport (2 hour taxi ride....lol). She was supposed to be my Maid of honour, but I had two one matron and one maid as I knew she wouldn't be able to do a lot in Ontario for my Alberta stuff. (We are having a second reception in Ontario though, with a bridal shower, Jack and Jill, etc). My bridesmaids found out and they had said if she wants to be back in it they will be open to it (if we make up kind of things, but my fiancé and myself have decided against it). They all have been working really hard though to make things perfect!
    Back to your question though, you can keep things 3 and 2 if you really want! It's your day! You can do whatever you want! My fiancé hadn't picked all his guys yet and hadn't asked them so we were able to make ours an even number 😊 But like I said, it's your day! Choose whatever you like!
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  • B
    Super August 2017 Alberta
    Bethany ·
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    Also, sorry that happened to you. Me and my MOH had a falling out so I promoted my head bridesmaid to MOH too
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  • B
    Super August 2017 Alberta
    Bethany ·
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    I honestly think they'll prob be honoured. I had some 'last minute' joiners who were more than happy to be a part of my wedding
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  • Stephanie
    Master July 2018 Alberta
    Stephanie ·
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    I think it depends on the relationship you have with the person you want to ask. My sister-in-law asked me late when her sister backed out. I had been disappointed that I wasn't asked, since it was my only brother getting married. But, I understood why so was happy to step in last minute. A friend asked her cousin after her future sister-in-law backed out and her cousin gladly accepted. So, it can be done, but it is a delicate situation.

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  • Erin
    Master September 2017 Ontario
    Erin ·
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    That sucks that this has happened but you can make it through this! If you don't really know who else to ask it is completely ok to have uneven wedding party numbers. I had 2 BMs and my husband had 3 groomsmen. You should have important people up there with you and people you know that care about you.

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  • Stephanie
    Frequent user May 2018 Ontario
    Stephanie ·
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    That happened to my sister in-law and she ended up asking my cousin to step in as a new bridesmaid. she wasn't close enough to the bride to be considered as a bridesmaid first of all, but she was more than happy to help out and step in as a new bridesmaid. i dont think she felt like a second choice at all, she was thrilled. Family is definitely a good option for this situation if you want to have even numbers.

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  • Ap2017
    Super September 2017 Ontario
    Ap2017 ·
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    That sucks, but at least you're able to move forward with someone else who will be happier to take on the duties.

    Like Ashley said, you don't really need to have even numbers, but if you do want that and you have someone that you're equally close with then I would say go for it. My friend had a bridesmaid drop out of her wedding a couple of months before the big day and she just left the numbers as is and no one paid any attention to it at all!

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  • Ashley
    Expert March 2018 Ontario
    Ashley ·
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    I am so sorry to hear that has happened, sometimes wedding put lots of pressure and strain on family and relationships.


    You do not have to have a equal wedding party, a lot of people now are having unequal sides and their pictures are always beautiful. My friend was in a wedding party with 3 GM and 2 BM and she walked down the isle after the wedding with two of them on her arm. It was great! Smiley smile


    You might be able to ask someone else but it will look like they were second pick.

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