Danielle
Frequent user June 2023 Manitoba

Long engagement and taking flack from people for planning now.

Danielle, on 17/September/2019 at 09:26 Posted in Plan a wedding
Is anyone else doing this? We're basically having a long engagement but we're also planning to have a kid before we get married. I'd rather find my vendors now and have things a bit more spread out than wait until the year before when I've got a 1-2 year old to fight with too.

But a lot of people are taking offense to my desire to nail down details and honestly it's triggering the depression I almost forgot I had and making me feel like I should just ignore being engaged at all for the time being.
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15 Comments

  • Rayanne
    Featured February 2021 Ontario
    Rayanne ·
    We have had a long engagement and honestly I haven't really told many people outside of my small circle. I don't like drama. I figure when the time comes I'll just tell everyone what we have already decided. They'll be less likely to criticize.
  • Ashley
    Expert August 2020 Ontario
    Ashley ·

    We got engaged in december 2018 and are getting married in aug 2020 that way we have time to pay for all the deposits and wedding itself. you can book vendors now why not get started on it. i wouldnt talk wedding stuff with those people who are bringing yoyou down

  • Sharlene
    Devoted August 2019 Alberta
    Sharlene ·
    I think your time line is not uncommon. We were engaged in June of 2017 and not married until August of 2019. It took about 1.5 years to pay for everything and the extra 6 months to save for our first honeymoon. I completely understand your frustration though. I had a few moments where I was not pleased with people's unwanted input. After a rant or two I would tell myself that the only opinions who matter are mine and my future husband's and move on from the negativity!
  • Maegan
    Frequent user May 2020 Ontario
    Maegan ·
    We got engaged March 2018 and were getting married May 2020. I got so my crap for how long our engagement was and why was i planning everything in 2018 but damn am I glad I did! First off- once people knew that we had to push the wedding to then do to close family members getting married before us, everyone relaxed. Secondly! Half of my pricing is a bit better cuz I booked early and my to do list is basically empty for a few months now. Its made the entire experience low stress and low pressure which is perfect! Good for everyone that can pull off a gorgeous wedding in a few months time but I'll take my few years over that any day!
  • Liga
    Frequent user June 2020 Quebec
    Liga ·

    I think its very smart to start to plan and think and investigate how much what is costing. My wedding will be next year 2020 in June. I will be ready for it till end of this year, I mean I will book everything till end of this year, because next year I will not be in Canada and will come back only 2 weeks before my wedding! So, if you have time, I think it is only positive to plan it in advance. And congrats with engagement!

  • Allison
    Master October 2019 Ontario
    Allison ·

    When I got engaged in October 2017, my parents assumed I would be getting married the following year (in the summer). They got married within MONTHS of being engaged so they didn't quite get why I "pushed" our date back until this year. The only thing they thought was bad about having a long engagement was that the hype for the wedding would fade, but I think people are still stoked!

    Getting all your details ironed out right now will definitely benefit you! I had spread out my planning and in the final month, it's definitely helped! I wouldn't necessarily share with others that you have a venue or a photographer lined up for your wedding in 4 years.

  • Vinod
    Featured August 2017 Ontario
    Vinod ·

    You are fine doing the long engagement as its not for others to criticize you for it.

    Planning a wedding is something you want to make sure you have the funds without having to put towards another child at the same time.

    Don't feel down or depressed about this as you have a good plan to go about and get things done accordingly and have the best day ever. We are here to support you no matter what happens or anyone else says.

  • Kelsie
    Featured July 2020 Ontario
    Kelsie ·
    View quoted message

    That's perfect then! You're on the ball!

    I'd just say same thing applies - continually check to make sure the vendors you want are still in business.

    Lots of places don't even give out notice if they've gone bankrupt, etc.

  • Erin
    Super September 2019 Ontario
    Erin ·

    DO NOT LET ANYONE TELL YOU WHAT YOU CAN OR CANNOT DO. This is YOUR wedding!!

    We did a long engagement - three and a half years! - and I told everyone it was so that we could save up and take the time to get the wedding we really wanted without having to rush. The ONLY flack I got from people was saying they didn't want to wait that long for what they are sure is going to be a very fun wedding!

  • Danielle
    Frequent user June 2023 Manitoba
    Danielle ·
    View quoted message
    We're not actually booking anything just yet because they haven't opened booking for that time frame yet but my goal is to have all of the vendors lined up so that when they do open booking we can just make our rounds and get our first choice of everything!
  • Casey
    Featured October 2019 Ontario
    Casey ·

    There is honestly nothing wrong with planning super far ahead. I have been planning for almost 2 years, and there are still some things I wish I would have done earlier.

    Book your main vendors, especially if you have specific ones in mind! This way you are guaranteed to have them. The only thing I would suggest is keeping in contact with the vendors you book, maybe once every 6 months or so..

    Like Tori had mentioned, if people weren't complaining about the length of your engagement, they would complain about something else.

    Feel free to vent as much as you want here! We are all here to help you out because chances are you are not the only one who has gone through all this stuff!

  • Kelsie
    Featured July 2020 Ontario
    Kelsie ·

    There's nothing wrong with planning early, I booked my vendors a year and a half in advance.

    The only thing to be mindful of is sometimes vendors do go out of business and if you provide a deposit, you may lose the deposit. Keep this in mind when negotiating with vendors and see if its possible for them to agree to reimburse the deposit if they go out of business, or come up with a cancellation date when you can get your deposit back.

    Usually, deposits are non-refundable but perhaps they will allow it with your wedding being a few years away still! Can't hurt to ask Smiley smile

  • Caitlyn
    Featured January 2020 Ontario
    Caitlyn ·

    I honestly think that planning early is smart. We will have an engagement of about 21 months by our wedding date, so not as long as you, but we still didn't need to start planning right when we got engaged. We started planning right away because I was excited and I'm just that type of person. I'm so glad that we started when we did because spreading out planning has really helped to cut down on stress and anxiety that would be more rampant if we had out off planning until the year mark. It also allows you to space out your deposits and payments so your funds aren't taking a bit hit all at once. You're also right that planning now is going to be easier than planning in the future when you're hoping to have a toddler around.

    I don't think you should ignore being engaged, enjoy it!

  • Tori Doll
    Featured October 2019 Manitoba
    Tori Doll ·

    I have been planning since I got engaged and that was early 2018 (got engaged on December 30th 2017), and booked our venue in February 2018! I will have been planning this wedding for a 1.75 years (1 year and 9 months).

    Now is the time to book honestly. The venue we chose and I'm sure tons of others book a year or more in advance anyway and you have a chance at getting the pricing from this year instead of when it inevitably increases in a couple.

    Hate to say it - but even if you weren't getting hate from the long engagement people would find a way to hate on the wedding any way. There are just a lot of pessimists out there and people find something to not agree with or to dislike. Heck, for me it was that I am so young, we only knew each other for 10 months before I PROPOSED TO HIM, and he was my one and only boyfriend that I've ever had.... They will find a way to bring you down but you have to surround yourself with people who support you. And the WW community supports you and are here for you Smiley heart

  • Lisa
    Featured August 2019 Alberta
    Lisa ·

    Hi Kristin,

    There's absolutely nothing wrong with getting your plans in place and starting to plan your day when it suits you! This may put you in a better position financially as well as mentally, with having more time to save and budget as well as taking the stress of doing everything in a year or so off of you and your FH. Tell those nay-sayers to mind their own business! Try not to let this get you down, we're here for you! Smiley smile

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