Stephanie
VIP May 2019 Ontario

Living Together!

Stephanie, on 19/February/2019 at 08:09 Posted in Living together

Good morning everyone!

I know I have seen a bunch of times on here how long couples have lived together before marriage! As a bride myself who is waiting until marriage to live together, I want to hear your stories! What were some of the things you were most excited about when you were going to move in together? What were some of your worries? When you finally did move in, what were some of your favourite things? And what are some things that you're still working on?

For me I cannot wait to kiss my to be husband goodnight every night and good morning every morning! Sometimes now we go days without seeing each other and I just cannot wait to even have that small moment every day even when he comes home late from work or I leave super early in the morning!

A worry? I'm actually not even sure, I know things will be difficult and possibly challenging but I am almost looking forward to those moments to to help strengthen and continue to build our relationship!

How has it been looking forward to and living with your spouse or to be spouse!

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34 Comments

  • Missa
    Frequent user August 2019 New Brunswick
    Missa ·

    We moved in together about 10 months after we started dating. My favorite part is going to bed together every night. I sleep better when he is next to me, we have not have many nights without each other in the last 5 years.

    It can definitely be challenging at time. We recently bought our first house together and we now have joint accounts and that was a learning process - but we always prioritize communication so, when there is an issue, we make time to discuss.

    It's interesting to read about those who waited to move in and those who did beforehand. Although we have been living together for 4 years, we are super excited to take our vows. Living under the same roof isn't the same as committing to a lifetime together. We are currently working on our vows and we realize that we have learned so much about each other in the last couple of years and how our vows are different today that they would have been 2 years ago.

    On the other hand, i can imagine the excitement of finally moving in after the wedding!! To start your life together under the same roof!!! Enjoy every moment of it!

  • Vinod
    Featured August 2017 Ontario
    Vinod ·

    My fiancé and I met and spend every night together as he drove over to my place every day. It was the pressure to move in faster than anticipated by 1 month. I felt it was too soon and 6 months after decided to make the move with him. It does vary for every couple based on personal feelings.

    The feelings were opposites and always fighting to start. Throughout our time of living together, there were compromises and adjusting ways and personalities towards each other. Some worries were how to understand what to expect communication wise and working together. Finances wise, who is responsible for payments and giving money to each other when needed. Its the thinking that becomes our money and not mine or yours essentially.

    Planning process was challenging with husband to be and my family. The feeling of arms tugging both ways made me the bad guy to hear all things going wrong or what not to do and so on.

    Eventually, everything fell into place and family came together and my husband too. We grew to understand what needs to be done and how we look at ourselves through the years. Understand how we want to be celebrated and respected towards our decisions.

  • Lussierk00@outlook.com
    Curious January 2020 Manitoba
    Lussierk00@outlook.com ·
    My fiance and I are waiting until marriage to move in with each other. It's hard, especially since right now we live in different cities and both have full time jobs so we usually only see each other on weekends, and we almost always share that time with one of our families. But I think it will be so worth it. We chose to wait because it's in both of our morals, and we didn't want living together first to change the dynamic of our relationship and what our marriage will be. Our marriage counselor also pointed out to us statistics that have proven a higher divorce rate among couples that live together before marriage, so hearing that made me feel even more confident in our decision. Its definetley difficult but I think there will be something special about sharing our first home together as a married couple. To me there doesnt seem to be much of a point in marriage if you're already under the same roof anyways. It seems hard to wait 4 years before living together, but when you think about the lifetime ahead of us we will have living together, those 4 years are insignificant. Only 6.5 months to go!
  • Kristy
    Beginner October 2019 Alberta
    Kristy ·
    We moved in together a year after dating. It was quick I suppose but I was looking to move out on my own from my friend/roommate and he was outgrowing the house he lived in with a bunch of other people. He worked away for the first few years of living together so a couple weeks every month was like living in a four bedroom house by myself. It had ups and downs. But not that big of an adjustment because when he would come home it was such a treat to have him back. Then his job was going to end so we moved to a small town and he got a job where he was home every night. That was a bit challenging. I was used to having my alone time and he was always there. We had to learn to work together and to enjoy things away from each other. It’s been five years since then and we’ve come a long way. We seemed to have found our groove and work together really nicely. I love having him home every night instead of on the road. I’m happy we had this time to adjust. So long story short we will have lived together about 8 years before we get married.
  • Jackie
    Newbie July 2021 Ontario
    Jackie ·
    Congrats! Moving in together is so exciting. My fiancé and I moved in together almost 4 years ago - so we kind of did things backwards! It’s really awesome- imagine having a sleepover with your best friend every night, forever- that’s what my partner said to me after about 3 months of living together ♥️ It’s so amazing to come home to each other and build a life together.

    I don’t know if there are any worries per se but it is an adjustment living with another adult- just like any other roommate. You both will have different likes and preferences, and sometimes those will interfere with each other- as long as you’re open and communicate honestly then it becomes another way of getting to know each other and building up your relationship together! ♥️
  • Stephanie
    VIP May 2019 Ontario
    Stephanie ·
    View quoted message

    I love all of this! I agree with the moving at the same time, we're lucky I'll be moving into our new place next month and then he'll move into it after the wedding in May!

    I agree with the alone time! This is going to be really hard for me... we're the opposite where my FH is the one I know will need the alone time, where as for me, alone time I consider enjoying with another person! When I'm by myself... well I'm just lonely haha!

    That's for all the advice!

  • Kassandra
    Frequent user May 2020 Alberta
    Kassandra ·
    My Fiance and I have been living together almost 3 years. Other then my trip down east to see my best friend, he and I havent went more than 1 or 2 nights apart since moving in together 😊
  • Stephanie
    Master July 2018 Alberta
    Stephanie ·

    My husband and I also waited until marriage to move in together. After our wedding, I moved into his place but left most of my stuff at my place since our leases were up at the same time and we were planning on getting a place in a different part of the city. I do not recommend this! (I know this isn't the question, but just PSA!) Moving two places into one on the same day is stressful! Because, you also have to clean both places, and cleaning can't really happen until everything is out!

    What I had been looking forward to was not having to say goodbye! And I love cooking for him but he didn't have alot of staples in his pantry and his dishes and cookware was lacking! So now, I have the kitchen set up how I like it!

    I was not looking forward to sharing all the same spaces! I'm an introvert, and have a very people-oriented job! So at the end of the day, I need my alone time for a bit! When I had my own place, I could go there, but when we moved in, there wasn't really a place for me to go. We live in a 2-bedroom place now, so it's better.

    Still working on...doing different things together! Before, when we saw each other, we were quite content to sit and watch movies or eat supper together. But now, it seems that's all we do! I'm starting to feel like we don't do a lot together because now that we see each other all the time, it's our new normal. We also have completely different interests to begin with, so we've started doing I'll choose an activity that I like, and my husband graciously suffers through it, and then he chooses an activity he likes, and I try to enjoy it!

  • Candace
    VIP May 2019 Ontario
    Candace ·

    We moved in together a few years ago, we had just graduated from college so we moved into his parents basement. I eventually convinced him to move into an apartment together so we could live independent of parents and see how we did.

    It was great having him there every night to watch Netflix with or just to talk to. We were mostly excited to be able to decorate our place how we wanted to and to get all new furniture!

    One of my worries is that we would fight because we were around each other too much but our work helped with that because he works mornings and I work afternoons so we basically only saw each other on weekends and for a couple of hours right before bed each night.

    One of my favourite things about moving in together was how we each really blossomed into our own personalities while still growing together. I am more of a night person so we spend time together each night before he goes to bed and then I stay up and read or puzzle or whatever I want to do. He will play video games and or go to the gym before I got home and then spend time with me before bed.

    One thing we are still working on is his habit of leaving his socks all over the place, and I mean EVERYWHERE and I tend to try and get out of washing the dishes.. but we are getting there slowly lol

    Overall its a wonderful experience and it strengthens the relationship in my opinion so totally worth all the transitions and moments of stress/annoyance

  • Stephanie
    VIP May 2019 Ontario
    Stephanie ·

    I'm so glad I made this thread I am absolutely loving all the stories!

  • Amelia
    Expert September 2020 Ontario
    Amelia ·

    We moved in together while we were in the latter half of our undergrads 4 1/2 years ago after 4 1/2 years of dating. All the good things about living together were amazing - saving money, goodnight kisses, etc, but it was also the hardest relationship milestone and biggest adjustment I've ever made and very nearly broke us up more than once. I'm super introverted and need space to unwind and he's pretty much the exact opposite. His always being around and not understanding that he needed to leave me alone sometimes drove me insane. We also got a dog at the same time (on a whim - *eye roll*) and, while we love her and can't imagine our lives without her, it didn't make the situation easier. On top of nagging him to do chores (he grew up in a household with a stay at home mom who did everything for him), I was nagging him when it came to her too.

    BUT I'm so glad we moved in when we did and persevered even though we sometimes wanted to kill each other or bail. I think we have a better idea of what to expect from married life now and know what works best for us. And despite having been in no position to be getting a puppy when we did, she's forced us to sort out our s**t and made us stronger. I'm 100% certain that having a baby before getting a pet would have been a terrible mistake for us lol.

  • M
    Curious May 2019 British Columbia
    Michelle ·

    When we first started dating, FH was in a basement suite and I was living with my parents, and we saw each other at least 5 times a week. Around a year in, he moved to a different place, and I never went back home. We shared chores, rent, etc. We love the goodnight kisses, and he would drive me part way to work in the mornings; we cooked together, cleaned the dishes together (no dishwasher), clean the apartment together. I did notice a change between renting, and when we bought a condo - because now we had a dishwasher, and in-suite laundry, somehow, my FH thought a house-elf came with these fancy appliances. I thought I was doing more chores, and I did speak to him (he thinks I do things too quickly, and he needs time to rest from his workday before clearing the table, etc.). It did take a bit for us to work out our chores, but you find a system. When (when, not if!) something bothers you, it's best to discuss in a calm manner. FH was always putting is wet towel on the bed. As I don't understand when people do this, I always hung it up for him. Finally I reminded him I wasn't his maid, but he said he hangs it up after he gets dressed - If I was patient, he would be doing it himself. I did tell him it bothers me, so he makes an effort to hang it up promptly (and I make an effort to hold my tongue and wait!). You'll also need to discuss who will take care of the bills. Do you have a joint account? Will you each be responsible for different expenses? It's easy to forget about date night, and making that special time to spend together when you start living together - Schedule date nights Communication is really the key to any relationship. I thought if I "told" my FH to do something, it would come across as nagging, or being a mother. He feels I clean all the time, so nothing needs to be done (ever?!). I do take on most of the chores (cleaning, bill payments, organizing things to be done (like calling the heat guy to fix the furnace, etc), but I've learned to say I would like help as well ("can you help me with the dishes"). It won't all be rainbows and butterflies, and it really is about compromising. You need to talk about issues, but also let some things go. Last night, I slept with an elbow in my back, but as I knew he wasn't getting much sleep lately, I left it (he can also be a light sleeper). Plus, he puts up with my snoring and alarm going off pretty early! 6.5 years in, I'm still excited when he comes home from work, and I run to greet him with a hug and kiss!

  • Stephanie
    VIP May 2019 Ontario
    Stephanie ·
    Thank you guys these are all great pieces of advice and stories!
  • Veronica
    Expert October 2020 Alberta
    Veronica ·

    FH and I moved in together after 6 months of dating...I was living with my parents at the time (had come home after sometime abroad and needed a place to get back on my feet) but my parents house was a really long commute to my work and FH apartment was less than 20 minutes by transit sooo I found myself staying there more and more often and then we just decided I might as well move in and be done with it. We both had experience with roommates and knew what drove each other crazy from previous experiences. I was most excited about being able to see him every day! And not having to live out of a suitcase when staying over. We fell in love very quick and very fast and became attached at the hip, so it just felt right to be living together so soon.

    One positive for us that saved alot of frustration is that FH and I both love to cook and he has a major thing about doing the dishes right after dinner, so we always cook together when home, enjoy dinner and then he does the dishes while I tidy up the rest of the kitchen or do another small chore. This way we are both contributing to the house in that time and our kitchen is always spotless! Generally FH and I both like a clean almost show homey look to our home as well, so being on the same page helps alot. However, in the first year or so I felt like I was doing the bulk of the house work and FH felt satisfied because he did the dishes every night, but wouldn't vacuum or clean the bathroom etc. So we had a conversation about that, and in our (almost) 2nd year he has definitely leveled out with me and I feel we equally contribute. Another example of a challenge - FH is very specific in the things he does, ie - the stove needs to be wiped down a certain way or its the end of the world, and so he thought it would be ok to criticize it every time I cleaned that part up, and that resulted in our first really big ugly moment of living together. Turns out I don't take criticism well, and he needed to learn tact so we just worked through it. And we had to learn to adjust to the fact that we were living with another human being, not a robot or a pet. I've learned to "choose my battles" which annoyances are really worth the effort to mention and work on, and which ones are things I can get over/learn to love.

    The major point of the above is COMMUNICATE. I know we all hear it everyday all the time but it really is key! FH and I have always prioritized it above anything else, we don't play the silent treatment game or the get back at each other game. We just talk when something is wrong. Sometimes you do need a cool down time, and we do that, but it doesn't exceed a full day. And we always say I love you even in the angry moments.

    And then I think the other worry that came up and did occur was losing that special date time feel. Because when you are not living together, spending time together is super special and weather its dinner out or cuddles on the couch, its still a special bubble time that ends. However then you move in together and you can technically do that ALL the time, so it stops being important. So make sure you emphasize special time together! At home dates are great and cheap and do the trick. As does going out obviously. But I found it was really easy to slip into a roommate feel so again we just prioritize special us time.

    I love living with FH and so excited to get to for the rest of our lives!

  • Brittany
    Featured August 2019 Alberta
    Brittany ·

    Have you ever lived with roommates or someone other than family?

    I think the biggest thing is adjusting to having someone else there all the time.

    And not really getting private time to watch the cheesy shows you like but he hates, or shave your legs, pluck your eyebrows without someone coming in.

    It is wonderful, and I would be lonely without it. But it does take some time.

    We moved in after only 6 months of dating. But we lived in separate cities. My roommate had decided she was moving out, so I needed to find a new roommate or a new place. I was only finding really creepy people... so he suggested I move there and we get a place together.

    We rented together for a year, and then bought a house together last march.

    My FH is super clingy. I can't read a book, or take a bath, disappear for five minutes in to another room, or anything without him coming to harass me haha. I can't do my makeup with him watching me... so he knows better now. Haha

    He also does things that get on my nerves, and I do things that get on his. You don't really get breaks from each other so it is easy to get annoyed.

    My thing is dishes... oh I cannot stand dishes and glasses being left everywhere. But we have had calm conversations about pet peeves and go from there.

    Also make sure you still have your own separate lives, and go do things with friends without each other. The break is definitely needed at times, and you get to keep some of your own independence and identity.


    But it is super exciting. And I wish you all the best! You will figure it out, and adjust yourselves. After a while it will be the new norm, and nights when you are apart will seem really odd.

  • Cherry
    Devoted October 2019 Quebec
    Cherry ·

    Having someone to help out with monthly expenses is the best part for me. He moved in to my place almost 2 years ago as soon as we were engaged. He's paying my monthly mortgage and I am paying utilities and groceries. I have been able to save more money since.

    Having someone to share the chores is also wonderful. He's doing all the cleaning and I am in-charged of laundry. We both take turn in cooking and of course running the dish washer is my job.

    The biggest adjustment is sleeping habits and TV. When my Fiance has restless sleep in one of those nights and kept turning around, I felt like I wish I could send him to the couch or I could go back to my single life where I had the whole bed to myself. Another thing, since the 'pirate' moved in, the TV belongs to him. I have been watching my Netflix and streaming online on my laptop.

    But after all, I am glad I have him in my life and I would not trade him for anything else.

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