Marissa
Frequent user August 2019 Ontario

Inviting Friends You Haven't Spoken to in a While

Marissa, on 7/February/2019 at 22:15 Posted in Plan a wedding
I'm gearing up to collect addresses and send out invitations, but I find myself putting off asking friends for their info. I don't have any really close friends currently except my FH and my family. There are four friends from high school who I barely speak to, but who I have kept in touch with over the years and who are still my friends on Facebook. They are the kind of friends who I have shared important aspects of my life with; and when I do see them, we always pick up where we left off. I guess I'm just afraid that because it's been maybe two years since I last saw most of them in person that they would think it was weird that I was inviting them to the wedding.

My FH has met 3 of my 4 friends in person, and all four of my friends where in my life in some capacity while my relationship with FH progressed over the last 10 years (from crush to boyfriend to serious longterm partner). Basically, they are up to speed with my life--I just haven't caught up with them in a long while (mostly because they moved to different cities).

Long story short, has anyone else experienced the same... guilt? If so, did you invite those friends? I would love to invite them at the end of the day. I just don't know if it would be awkward/weird to do.
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16 Comments

  • Marissa
    Frequent user August 2019 Ontario
    Marissa ·
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    That sounds like a good plan. I'm sure the friends that want to reconnect will be delighted and the ones that don't will just make up a polite excuse. I got so worked up about asking my friends, but I'm glad I did in the end.
  • Janaya
    Devoted August 2019 Saskatchewan
    Janaya ·

    I've been having the same doubts with this too! there's people that I have been friends with in the past that we don't really talk much anymore just because we all went separate ways but I would love to invite them to my wedding! reading all of this advice I think Ill just send them a message and let them know I've been thinking about them and that they will be invited. I will be hand delivering most of my invitations though! so ill be able to see them and reconnect

  • Alycia
    Expert March 2020 Ontario
    Alycia ·
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    So glad to hear this, I myself kinda have a similar issue! It’s great to know it went so well with you

  • Bianca
    Featured August 2019 Ontario
    Bianca Online ·
    So glad to hear that everything worked out! I would have said to invite your friends and see what happens. I’ve got friends like that too who I decided to invite at the end of the day too ☺️
  • Allison
    Featured October 2019 Ontario
    Allison ·
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    That's awesome! It'll be great to reconnect!

  • Marissa
    Frequent user August 2019 Ontario
    Marissa ·

    Good news! They all got back to me right away and were all excited to be invited. I feel a bit silly being nervous to ask them, but sometimes I guess we're our own worst critics.

  • Marissa
    Frequent user August 2019 Ontario
    Marissa ·
    View quoted message

    Thanks, Allison. I've reached out to all of them on Facebook, and we'll see what they say. *fingers crossed*

  • Allison
    Featured October 2019 Ontario
    Allison ·
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    I agree with Tori, whil you might not be disappointed, you would be excited to be invited to their wedding!
    I would invite them, especially if they are up on your current events. Life happens and we don’t always hang out with friends but the wedding would definitely be an excuse to see them again!
  • Marissa
    Frequent user August 2019 Ontario
    Marissa ·
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    That's an interesting way to approach things. I don't know if I'd be disappointed if I wasn't invited to their weddings, but I'd definitely be excited to attend their weddings if invited.

    There is a nostalgia factor as well. One of my friends I've known for 18 years, and the others I've know for 15. It would be wonderful for them to be part of another important milestone in my life.
  • Stephanie
    VIP May 2019 Ontario
    Stephanie ·
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    I think that's perfect! I've done that with a few people if I'm not 100% sure that they will show! Give them an invite and let them decide! I think that's much nicer than just excluding them!

  • Tori
    Featured October 2019 Manitoba
    Tori ·

    The way that I started to determine whether I should invite friends from the past was: if they got married, would I be hurt by not getting an invite? If I would feel a little ouch about it even - I knew I should at very least ask and they could decline. But if I didn't really care, and not just because they live out of city/province - then I would only be inviting them on my second round of invites.

  • Vinod
    Master August 2017 Ontario
    Vinod ·

    I had known some people beforehand of getting married to my husband. One of them was someone that I gave too many chances to make up for her excuses/cancellations. My husband felt that she should be invited on the basis of him meeting her first apart than my second family (friends known for years).

    Apart from what you have said, have you been invited to any functions held by your friends is how I would also look at the guest list. This is a way I look at knowing your they are true friends or acquaintances.

    I did read generally speaking that if you haven't spoken to anyone beyond a year, they are not considered to be invited.

  • Marissa
    Frequent user August 2019 Ontario
    Marissa ·
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    You're absolutely right, Stephanie. They could always give a polite excuse if they didn't want to come. I know 3 of the 4 have partners, so I will definitely give them plus ones. I was thinking of seating them all together as well, so they are in familiar company.
  • Marissa
    Frequent user August 2019 Ontario
    Marissa ·
    View quoted message
    Thanks for the encouraging words, Valerie. I'm going to try to reach out to them today and see what they say. Perhaps there will even be an opportunity to see them before the wedding.
  • Stephanie
    VIP May 2019 Ontario
    Stephanie ·
    I understand your worry but I feel like you would regret it more if you didnt invite them! I have some friends who are the same! Dont see as often but it made me want to invite them more to come share and celebrate with us! It's such a great time to bring the new and the old together (friend wise)!! If they dont have a partner maybe allow them a plus one? In case they're a little nervous about not knowing anyone else (since you will also be super busy) just and idea but I would say 100% invite them! Also! They CAN always say no! An invite sent isnt a guarantee yes!
  • Valérie
    VIP September 2019 Quebec
    Valérie ·

    Hi Marissa,

    I feel your pain. Life happens and you don't always stay in touch with friends (I'm guilty of this!), but when you do see each other, it's like no time has passed at all.

    I moved to a different province 6 years ago, so I only get to see my friends maybe once every 2-3 years, if our schedules line up! That being said, I didn't hesitate to put them on the guest list, because I just couldn't imagine the day without them.

    Don't worry about anything being awkward/weird, because all of your friends will be there to celebrate you and your FH! I'm sure they'll be thrilled to be part of it!

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