Lauren
Beginner July 2020 Ontario

How to Manage Expectations with Bridal Party?

Lauren, on August 17, 2019 at 10:25 Posted in Before the wedding
Hi There!

I have some bridal party questions that I'm hoping you all can help me with 馃槉

1. Nobody in my bridal party really knows each other. One of them lives on the other side of the country. Here where I live, were all within an hour from each other (approximately). I know I need to introduce them all to each other. Should I just do it electronically? Or should I invite them all over or to go out for a chance to meet? My worry about inviting them out is that it's not easy for them all to get to me and finding a date will be really difficult. But if I leave it to electronic, they'll never really KNOW each other and won't be as friendly. What is best to do?

2. How did you actually communicate what you want from them? I know that I would like a bridal shower and a bachelorette, organized by them. I'm happy to help with guidance of course. I'm sure my mom will be involved as well. I feel really uncomfortable asking them to do this though. I hate asking for help so it's very difficult for me. What do you actually say? How do you let them know without sounding super demanding and rude?

Please share your experiences and advice with me!! I am desperate!!

Thank you 鉂わ笍
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14 Comments

  • Ashley
    Featured August 2020 Ontario
    Ashley
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    Ive been in wedding partys where I don鈥檛 know anyone else. I didn鈥檛 meet them beforehand just at the functions for the bride (bach, showers etc.) I didn鈥檛 feel the need to get to know them as I wont ever see them again but that is just me. All the girls were friendly when we saw each other and we chatted and introduced ourselves. The MOH just made a fb group for her bach and we all chatted there about ideas/prices/etc. So if its hard for them all to meet make a fb group or a whatsapp group to talk wedding stuff and they can all share ideas.

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  • Rayanne
    Featured February 2021 Ontario
    Rayanne
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    Do you have one friend that you can talk to that knows what you want that might be willing to take the lead and get all the other girls working together? Doing a group chat I think is a great way for people to start preparing wedding plans. Go from there if any chances come up for then to meet either one at a time or as a group take it.
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  • Chelsea
    Newbie October 2020 Ontario
    Chelsea
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    A group chat sounds like a great idea! You could also do a Skype movie night - each watch from their own homes but you can chat during the movie!
    • Reply
  • Erin
    Super September 2019 Ontario
    Erin
    • Dispute

    My fiance and I both have people in our party from literally across the country... Vancouver, Edmonton, St. John, and one of my girls is from NYC! Wee have a group chat for the ladies and one for the guys so we can keep in touch, and we had a brunch for my side last August where everyone came together. My fiance's side all know each other already, so a lot less of an issue for them.

    If you can get them all together at least ONCE before the wedding, I would suggest that, but don't stress yourself out over it!

    As for the shower and bachelorette - just tell them (nicely) what you would like (but keep in mind that it may not work out exactly as you want). They're your friends and they want you to enjoy yourself at these events, so obviously they'll want to make sure you're doing what you want at them! You're allowed to share things that you do or do not want - in fact, sometimes outlining what you DON'T want for these is more important!

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  • K
    Frequent user July 2024 Ontario
    Katrine
    • Dispute
    I鈥檓 in a similar situation but we鈥檙e all in the same province so I鈥檓 going to set up a chat to introduce them all to each other online and then have a girls weekend at my place to give them a chance to mingle. If they can鈥檛 all make it, my back up plan is to skype will all of them at once.
    • Reply
  • Sondra
    Frequent user August 2021 Ontario
    Sondra
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    1. We are in a similar situation as far as our wedding party not all knowing each other.

    We started a group chat as soon as we started asking people to be in the wedding party. We will have everyone together for the pre-wedding events as well so they will get to know each other that way.

    2. I put in my bridesmaids' group chat that I had started thinking about my bridal shower, but with all the wedding planning felt like it was too much to handle on my own and gently asked for help. They were more than happy to help.


    Regardless of everyone all meeting each other, your wedding party is there for you and it will all work out! Don't be afraid to ask for help during this process, you honestly can't do it all by yourself without going crazy! Good luck! Smiley smile

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  • Liarra
    Frequent user February 2020 Ontario
    Liarra
    • Dispute
    Hey Lauren,

    1. If you can do some pre wedding activities in person I say that would probably make everyone a bit more comfortable. Obviously the girl who lives far may feel a bit left out but definitely start up a group chat between all of them so they can all be involved.

    2. It definitely can be awkward. I was lucky, I didn鈥檛 really want much but my party and mom kind of took the reigns. However, I would start the group chat or even just discuss with your MOH / mom (if that鈥檚 an option) and try saying something more like 鈥渟o what are you guys thinking as far as pre wedding events go? I know typically it鈥檚 the party that decides..鈥 more than likely they鈥檒l ask you what you would want or are looking forward to and that鈥檚 when you can slip in 鈥淚鈥檇 really like a shower and a bachelorette party if you guys are willing to plan those?鈥 Makes it less awkward.

    Hope that helps!
    • Reply
  • Lauren
    Beginner July 2020 Ontario
    Lauren
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    View quoted message

    Hi Tori,

    1. That's a really good point! As much as I'd like them to all know each other, I guess in the end, it's not all that important. I know they will all get along so that's enough.

    2. Ah I wish I could be a blunt person! But yes, being open and honest is important, and helping as much as possible will make things smoother.

    Thank you so much for your advice!!

    • Reply
  • Tori Doll
    Featured October 2019 Manitoba
    Tori Doll
    • Dispute

    1. I would say 2 of my girls knew each other and the other 3 knew each other. For us I made a bridal party group chat and went from there. Then we also did our wedding social so we had a couple mandatory meetings for the entire wedding party. For you I would say a group chat would work but then have a couple group outings that aren't mandatory. You don't neeeeeed your girls to all know each other, they just need to know you and the groom.

    2. Communicated by literally being a blunt person Smiley tongue That and the bridal shower is being held by my Mom and sister/MOH so that helps. I gave them a list of dates I am available and for the bachelorette what I would like to do (ideas) but I am in the dark as to what it will be like. They need help just as much as you want to give it!

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  • Allison
    Master October 2019 Ontario
    Allison
    • Dispute
    View quoted message

    Good luck with everything! I know it's odd asking people to host parties on your behalf but if you agree to help and give guidance, it definitely makes it easier.

    • Reply
  • Lauren
    Beginner July 2020 Ontario
    Lauren
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    View quoted message
    Hi Casey,

    Thanks for your advice!! I'm getting married next summer so maybe I'll just try to get us all together sometime this year. That way they can get acquainted and will have lots of time before any wedding stuff actually gets started.

    I know I need to tell them about what I want from them but I'm having a really hard time deciding how to do that. I asked them all to be in my wedding via a gift box and a card because I'm just not good with words when I'm asking for something! I guess I'll have to get better at that!
    • Reply
  • Lauren
    Beginner July 2020 Ontario
    Lauren
    • Dispute
    View quoted message
    Hi Allison!

    Thanks so much for your advice. Maybe I will start a group to chat, and also try to plan something in person. I'm sure we could find a date, likely not til October though.
    Hmmm yes I guess saying I will help will probably ease the blow of asking them to help! As long as I make it clear that I want them to be in charge. Just thinking about this conversation makes me so uncomfortable, Ugh!!
    • Reply
  • Casey
    Featured October 2019 Ontario
    Casey
    • Dispute
    Hey Lauren!
    I think it would be great to have an online group or page for the bridal party. And then you could also try to set a date for everyone to meet. It would be best to do it before all the wedding activities so when it comes to planning they can all communicate with each other!
    When it comes to planning, let them know what you want and what you don鈥檛 want! They should know what expectations come when being in a bridal party, but if you give them specifics it will be easier
    • Reply
  • Allison
    Master October 2019 Ontario
    Allison
    • Dispute

    Hi Lauren!

    I know how it feels to not be able to schedule a meet-up with the bridal party. I'm in Thunder Bay, and my bridal party is in GTA, Windsor, and Winnipeg. I set up a facebook group for us so people could get to know each other. If we were able to meet up in person ahead of time, I definitely would!

    As for the shower/bachelorette, I feel you here too! I'm also uncomfortable with asking for help with things like this! I would go about it with talking with your bridal party and mom about wanting them to take control over the shower/bachelorette. It feels awkward but just state that you are willing to help out with the plans too!

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