Have you done premarital counseling?

View quoted message That's really interesting, I'm glad you found some of it useful. Thank you for sharing your experience

View quoted message Ours in particular through the Catholic Church lasted 7-8 weeks and each week had a different topic, ie finances, family structure, family planning, communication etc.


I’m not religious at all and FH is religious in bits and pieces so for us there was too much religion baked into it but we got what we needed out of it.
With the priest, we both go separately and have to answer the same questions of one another. Things like what do his parents do? What do my parents do? What are his hobbies? etc. and basically if you were super off you’d probably need extra sessions.
Then we go together and have to answer questions, ie the priest asked how I as a non believer would allow my FH to practice his faith. Or if we had a daughter what age do we think our daughter would be able to go alone on her first date.
I found it useful for the communication exercises and how much we are both on the same page.Other than that, it was just a tick on our to do list to get married in the church.

View quoted message May I ask, what sorts of things do they talk about at these marriage courses? What sorts of questions do they ask you in your interviews? Are you by yourself or with your FH?


If you don't want to answer I understand, I just find it interesting

We didn't do counselling but we had to do premarital classes to be married in a church. It was alright but we are always communicating, we've lived together for years, and have two kids so there really wasn't much for them to tell us that we didn't already know.

We did. It was great! Learned a lot and let's hope we remember it if we ever come across major issues.

No, it's not something we really want for ourselves but we talk with my mom all the time about all kinds of things so it's basically the same thing 😂

We did the marriage classes but we already live together so we worked out communication and finances and household chores etc

No, we didn't think it was necessary. We've talked about a lot of the big life decisions and have lived together over 5 years. Neither of us are opposed, but it doesn't seem necessary at the moment.

We didn't at the time seeing it was a better idea then. Somethings you live with making the decision is made and after creates more conflict due to differences and needs.

No, but we have been together for 8 years and have discussed all the tough topics and are on the same page

We didn't specifically have pre-marital counselling but we went into this with eyes wide open. Life has hit us hard these last few years and we have had to navigate things I never would have even thought about. Both of our kids got sick at around the same time. Life has been very raw and real and we have been humbled by it, but we somehow survived it individually and as a couple. I don't know that there was much more for us to discuss.

View quoted message I think those are good questions.
The way I see it, the benefit to premarital counseling is it initiates conversations that might not otherwise happen. So if you and your FH choose to have those conversations in a different setting, without a third party, there is still benefit. Identifying potential areas of concern (ie. not always feeling you act as a unit) gives you a good place to start a conversation with your FH. Does he recognize the same issues you do? What about strengths, do you see the same strengths in the relationship?

There are relationship questionnaires (you can find some online, look for more clinically based questionnaires as opposed to, say, Cosmo) that go through different areas of a relationship to initiate conversations. Things like finances, parenting, sex, household responsibilities, what does partnership mean to each of you, conflict resolution, etc. So you could utilize something like that and then discuss how you plan to navigate those areas, how will you resolve differences of opinion?
Also, you could always go to therapy solo for that benefit of an outside perspective. Some of us find that component of therapy really beneficial.

No. We’re not required to and we’re very good communicators

Nope! If there was problems in the relationship then we wouldn't be together.

We won't be doing any. We'll have been together for over 10 years so we both think we'll be ok without.

We haven’t, but we’re both open to doing it if the opportunity arises

I've always thought that pre-marital counselling would be an incredible idea. However, when I brought this idea up to my fiance, he was dead-set against it. He believes that couples counselling is only for 'people who should break up already' and that we don't need it as we can sort through things ourselves. We've discussed the big topics: having children, religion, finances, etc., I just worry that we don't always operate as a unit and that it could turn into something bigger.

We have our issues and I often worry that there are many things that we haven't even thought to talk about yet. I'm unsure if I'm just scared of an eventual divorce and am becoming too caught up in what could happen rather than being present in my engagement.

I am not sure his opinion of counselling will be swayed, are there any other means of receiving the same benefits?

Nothing for us. We worked through our kinks and mishaps years ago. We have been together for 7 years. It will be 8 when we marry.

We have not done and will not be doing, not suited for us but I think it is a good idea.

We haven't done premarital counselling, but I definitely think it's a good idea. Marriage is such a huge time of change and it's very emotional.

No I dont think we'll be doing the premarital counseling but I don't think it is a bad idea at all. Our work schedules make it hard enough for us to have time together.

No we haven't, but we've been together 10 years and we've worked through plenty of hardships on our own so we don't really think it's necessary

I don't think FH's church calls it "pre martial counselling" but we've done the marriage courses which the church requires (7 weeks, for 2 hours on Monday nights!) and we have also done our two interviews with our priest who has "approved" of us for marriage.