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T Mclachlan
Newbie August 2017 Ontario

Guest list is growing past our budget

T Mclachlan, on January 18, 2017 at 04:28 Posted in Plan a wedding 0 27

Before I sat down to start the planning, we thought a small wedding of 40 - 50 people. Well my parents divorced when I was young and remarried = 4 branches of family. If we dont invite cousins but do include aunts + uncles it can remain near 70 but I know a few cousins on my side (with spouses) that would be upset at not coming, as well as 6 people from my dad's side that would be a big help in self-catering to help reduce costs. So the list grows again. Then if I have cousins etc, my groom has 6 cousins (all with spouses) that would have to be invited and I'm passing 100 guests before I know it.

Note:

my budget is very very small

A home wedding is impossible if I have more than 70 guests

If I invite the 100 - 125, hopefully I receive more money as gifts which could help pay for the venue etc. Yet I can't know how much we would receive as most of my family is in the same financial boat. We are already going to have credit card debt from the wedding if the guest list is below 70.

ANY ADVICE?

27 Comments

Latest activity by Talita, on February 7, 2017 at 19:07
  • Talita
    Frequent user January 2018 Ontario
    Talita ·
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    I think if you do a wedding out of town that brings your list down too. Not everyone is willing to pay for a night at a hotel to go to a wedding. My list is only 50 because of that. I'm from Brasil and my fiance is from another part of Ontario than where we currently live. We know only the people that are really close will be attending so we just a list of those people. If you really don't talk to a person on a regular basis or even once a month, you should really think before paying 100 dolars for her/him to attend your wedding and people usually understand that.

    However if you really can't get your list shorter, maybe just do a simple cake and punch like suggested before. It's still a nice way to celebrate your union and share with all your family.

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  • Laura
    Super September 2017 Alberta
    Laura ·
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    I'm not sure yet. it is more of a net veil than a lace or tulle but I would like to see if I can make it work as my veil but I definitely want to make it work. Smiley smile

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  • Vanessa
    Frequent user June 2018 Ontario
    Vanessa ·
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    Are you planning a traditional wedding? If not, consider something like we're doing - renting a small conference centre that is $1500, no dinner, cocktail ceremony/reception starting at 7 pm, DIY finger foods only (we're doing charcutrie/cheese boards, candy bar, cupcakes, late night nacho bar) - no catering, no bridal party, E-invites, etc. We are springing for an open bar though.

    That said, you could easily have a wedding this way for under $5,000 for 100 people without open bar. Ours is only close to $10,000 because $6,000 is essentially open bar.

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  • Jessica
    Frequent user June 2018 Saskatchewan
    Jessica ·
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    I read a good post once that said to make 2 lists. First list are people you HAVE to invite and the second list are people you would LIKE to invite. You send out invitations to list 1 a month or two ahead of time then usual. As you get back declined invitations you begin to send out your list 2 invites. No one will know they were second thought and you keep in guest range.
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  • Lisa
    VIP May 2018 Ontario
    Lisa ·
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    Incorporating the veil would be amazing!!!
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  • Valerie
    VIP April 2017 Ontario
    Valerie ·
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    That's so sweet that the veil is passed around the family! Are you going to use it as your veil or alter it into something new?

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  • Laura
    Super September 2017 Alberta
    Laura ·
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    I would have loved to have altered my mom's dress but she is 8 inches shorter than I am and when she got married she had just completed treatment for TB and I think pneumonia and weighed about 100 pounds dripping wet holding something. I am more fluffy. I do have her veil which was also her sisters so I am thinking about incorporating that somehow. Smiley smile

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  • Emilie
    Featured Quebec
    Emilie ·
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    Hey T! Smiley heart That's so awesome! I'm so glad to hear everyone's ideas have inspired you to do so much! That sounds amazing! I'm sure everything will go perfectly! What's next on your list? Have you started dress shopping? Smiley smile

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  • Melissa
    VIP June 2017 Ontario
    Melissa ·
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    Smiley laugh that makes me so happy!

    And reading a bit further it sounds like your plan is on track! Good for youSmiley shame I love when we are able to help each other out!

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  • Tina
    Curious August 2018 British Columbia
    Tina ·
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    Oh that's great! I've seen a lot of discussion around not serving dinner. But I love the gathering idea and people not getting super tipsy. Have conversions and enjoy everyone's company. Play games etc..That's similar to what we want as well. I'm sure it will be amazing what ever you end up doing
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  • Lisa
    VIP May 2018 Ontario
    Lisa ·
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    Fabulous! And that's how it should be! Smiley smile
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  • T Mclachlan
    Newbie August 2017 Ontario
    T Mclachlan ·
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    Thank you, the difference in stress from last night and tonight is so so much better. I even feel more comfortable with being at home rather than at a venue.

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  • Lisa
    VIP May 2018 Ontario
    Lisa ·
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    So glad you came to a great solution!!!! I think an open house idea is love! You'll get to enjoy everyone's company through the day!
    Congratulations! Great idea!
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  • T Mclachlan
    Newbie August 2017 Ontario
    T Mclachlan ·
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    After listening to everyone and researching the reception cost at the cheapest venue that I liked, I decided it was too much. I found a place to have the ceremony that is nice, affordable and can host up to 150 people. So I can invite anyone and everyone to the wedding. Now I have to decide on how to use my dads place to host one or two "wedding gettogethers" which will NOT be the expected reception with dancing. We will have food and chairs, there will only be a few sit-at tables, and reception type games etc.

    Once I made the decision to not have a venue reception, I easily picked a location for the ceremony and am at more peace with the at-home costs.

    I might even plan an EARLY party in the morning, then everyone gets ready and we all attend the wedding. The people who attended the EARLY part can go home and everyone else can come home to the LATE party. That way not everyone is on the property at once.

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  • Tina
    Curious August 2018 British Columbia
    Tina ·
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    I'm in the same dilemma!! I have 74 family members just on my side. 55 on Justin's. and then there are friends 😬 I hope you are able to come to an answer.
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  • Valerie
    VIP April 2017 Ontario
    Valerie ·
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    Great! I'm glad you are figuring out a better solution for you and you aren't as stressed about it all

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  • Lisa
    VIP May 2018 Ontario
    Lisa ·
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    That's great!!!! Glad you are getting some ideas that would work !!!!!
    Oh the other thing I read about recently is floral sharing. If you get married a day before or after another couple, at the same venue, the venue can help you contact the other bride and groom and arrange for both of you to split the floral bill and use the flowers for both weddings. I think it's an awesome idea!
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  • T Mclachlan
    Newbie August 2017 Ontario
    T Mclachlan ·
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    I love everyone's ideas, it reminded me of what I had wanted 10 years ago when single and hoping. I wanted a small wedding and then several receptions on different days for the different family branches (some are not super friendly). I think I can see a better direction to head in than the standard wedding day. Thank you, my stress level has decreased already! Smiley ring

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  • Melissa
    VIP June 2017 Ontario
    Melissa ·
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    I have an enormous family, so I can releate to the out of control guest list. I found it hard to cut people- but a smaller guest list is fastest way to reel in a budget crisis.

    I know that some people will be disappointed not to be invited, but most people are understanding that hosting a big event like a wedding is costly! I would much rather host a nice party for a core group of my nearest and dearest than host a pretty OK party for a larger group.

    I agree with others that you should be careful counting on gifts to pay for things, and you should avoid debt. I can't say much, because I am taking on some debt as well- but do so only if you have a good plan in place to get that paid FAST!

    I think the open house idea could be really great, or even hiring a food truck to come to your reception (saves you a lot of work!).

    My biggest cost savers have been buying gently used items, and looking for sales, coupons and....cutting the guest list Smiley sad I wish you lots of luck, because it is really hard, but don't let your wedding cause you to start your married life off with stressful debt! Your extended family should understand!

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  • Emilie
    Featured Quebec
    Emilie ·
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    Hi T! Welcome to the community! Wow! You have such a big family! Smiley surprise I can understand why you would feel concerned to go over budget... You could take a look at these ideas from other brides:

    How are you paying for your wedding?

    Cocktail reception invitations

    You could also organize another small event to celebrate with your cousins before the wedding so they don't feel excluded: engagement party, bridal shower, ... What do you think? Could that be an option? Smiley heart

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  • Emilie
    Featured Quebec
    Emilie ·
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    I really like this idea Joanne! Smiley smile

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  • Valerie
    VIP April 2017 Ontario
    Valerie ·
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    HAHA that's what I said to my mom when she was upset that she "perserved her dress for nothing"

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  • Lisa
    VIP May 2018 Ontario
    Lisa ·
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    Great ideas Valerie! As usual. Love the idea of Altering moms old wedding dress. I gave up that idea long ago when she did save for me and her waist was the size of my thigh! Lol
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  • Lisa
    VIP May 2018 Ontario
    Lisa ·
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    Great idea on the open house.
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  • Valerie
    VIP April 2017 Ontario
    Valerie ·
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    I fully agree with Lisa, please do not put yourself in debt over your wedding! It will end up costing you SO MUCH MORE in the long run with that high interest! Also, have the wedding you can afford now, don't depend on more you MIGHT receive as gifts to pay for things. Because you may not get as much as you expect and then you are stuck paying what you can't afford.

    And Joanne has a nice idea, but with an open house you should have food out all day (and enough for when even the last guest decides to pass through), and that food must be kept at the proper temperature throughout that entire time. It's a lot to look after and you risk serious food poisoning if not done correctly. And who wants their wedding to be "that wedding where we all got food poisoning" and talked about for years.

    You can still have a lovely wedding for a very reasonable budget. You have a few options; 1. cut the guest list. It's the absolute hardest part of any wedding because unfortunately someone is ALWAYS going to be "left out". But we throw the weddings we can afford to, and that just might mean we simply can't afford anyone but close family sometimes.

    2. If you absolutely can't cut the guest list, cake and punch receptions are a wonderful alternative! You can have your wedding at about 1pm, it lasts for 20 mins, and then until about 3pm or 4pm, you can host everyone with some cake and light snacks (finger foods, small sandwiches, cheese and crackers, etc) and have beer, wine and champagne.

    Also, look at second hand shops or see if you can alter your moms wedding dress. Keep decorations very simple and limited. And make what you can.

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  • Joanne
    Curious May 2017 Ontario
    Joanne ·
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    I like all the suggestions above but you could also do immediate family only for the ceremony and open house style for the reception if you're having it at home. People will flow through your house throughout the day instead of all arriving at once and looking for a sit down meal. This will also allow you to keep the menu more casual.
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  • Lisa
    VIP May 2018 Ontario
    Lisa ·
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    Creeping invite lists can be brutal! I had to cut mine from 300 to 225 and I found it painful Smiley smile First, credit card debt is the worst! If you go that route you are automatically losing when you are paying high interest rates. I can't stress enough..DO NOT GO INTO DEBT BECAUSE OF YOUR WEDDING!

    Not sure what the budget is but if it's really impossible to cut down the list then you will have to make some other adjustments. Especially if you already know that some of the people you are inviting are in the same financial boat and wont at minimum be covering their plate.

    1. Maybe go for a buffet style meal instead of plated.
    2. If the buffet isnt the budget, maybe just host a cocktail after the ceremony. Or another bride here suggested just having cake and punch. Also check out Tasha's discussion board called (No Supper). A bride in that discussion Salume, she suggested some great budget friendly ideas while still serving food. Opting for no food really shouldnt be an option. Check out her idea . It's a great one.
    3. Scrap mailing out Invitations. Do it all by email. If you want to DIY your invites be careful because sometimes it's more expensive.
    4. Keep decor at a minimum
    5. Purchase your dress off the rack so you aren't paying full price and your FH can just wear a suit. Doesn't have to be a tux.
    There are so many other suggestions I could give you but that would mean I wouldn't be going to work today Smiley smile!

    Take a look at previous discussion boards for budget friendly ideas. I saw this video the other day too and it had alot of great tips!
    Maybe this will help!

    How To Plan A Budget Friendly Wedding In Under 30 days



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