Kelly
Frequent user September 2019 Manitoba

Feeling the money stress!

Kelly, on 6/September/2018 at 14:04 Posted in Plan a wedding

Do you feel alone in the planning process? I wish my finance would take more initiative. But he's not a planner.

I'm very much feeling the financial burden right now. We had to give our venue post-dated cheques for the payments when we booked them. And since I'm the only one with cheques, they're ALL coming out of my account. Our next payment gets deposited next week and I'm just looking at my bank account doing the math in my head to see how much money I'll have for the remainder of the month. The payment is $1,200. Basically bye bye to and entire paycheque.

I've bought my dress, booked our bartenders, caterer, florist, and I did the initial deposit to book the venue.

We're also planning a good ol' Manitoba social, but those also require you to spend money to make money, and I've been collecting silent auction prizes as things go on sale. He paid the deposit for the social venue ($400), but so far that's the only thing he's paid for.

I'm going to talk with him about feeling the stress of spending so much on my own.

But how has everybody else felt with the money spending side of things? How did you decide who took what bills etc?

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29 Replies

  • Kelly
    Frequent user September 2019 Manitoba
    Kelly ·
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    Wine and budget talks sound amazing.

  • Missa
    Curious August 2019 New Brunswick
    Missa ·
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    My fiancé is the exact same. And we seem to have a similar relationship - been living together 3 years (and everything is 50/50%) and I'm doing most of the planning although we discuss about everything, he just needs to be reminded. We are getting married in August (next year) and I created a master check list for tasks to do every month until the big day. Every week I pick one task to do together or I give him a little something to do (such as, contacting one vendor for a quote or something like that). He needs to be reminded sometimes, but at the same time it makes me feel like we are both actively doing this! My check list and checking off 1 or 2 task per week is helping with the stress. I also made a calendar of what deposit or payment is due when, and we also talked about a saving plan. We are buying a house this year on top of that ( we are absolutely crazy) we we have '' wine and budget talk'' once a month to see where we are at financially, but it becomes a fun date night at the same time!

  • Bianca
    Featured August 2019 Ontario
    Bianca ·

    I'm in the exact same position as you where all the deposits are coming out of my account and it's so annoying. FH just gets to enjoy planning while I've been taking on the financial burden (he pays his half to me after the fact), and it sucks to see my bank balance go down with each deposit lol.

    I think you and your FH need to split things equally and fairly in order for neither of you to soley feel the financial stress.

  • L
    Newbie May 2019 Alberta
    Lisa ·

    My fiance was like this at first. So I did two things, the first one assigned him to the things he is passionate about - Music (Band/DJ) and gave him a deadline or threatened to take away his back massages. Secondly, I deliberately showed him really hideous wedding colours and hit him with high numbers for quotes to get his attention. He has totally stepped up and it still takes a little tugging but he gets there. Regarding money- we transfer money to a joint account before we pay anything. This keeps it equal - look into getting a joint account maybe that provides Cheques? Or have him transfer the money right away? Sometimes you have to talk about it out in the open, men don't always notice things that bother us, and sometimes think they are helping by staying out of it.

  • Marleau
    Devoted October 2018 Ontario
    Marleau ·
    I can relate on the i wish my fiancé would take more initiative to help with things. We’re feeling the financial burden too, I think everyone goes though it at some point in planning. For us (we’ve been together over 4 years) all our money goes into a joint account and all our bills are paid from it. We agree as a couple that there shouldn’t be mine and your, you pay I pay, it should just be one. We’re a team and working together is key.
    I think sitting down and chatting with him about how your feeling is important, not only that this isn’t just your wedding so why are you the only one paying for it, it should be a team effort to cover all costs.
    Good luck with the planning, it will be an amazing day!
  • Jackie
    Devoted April 2019 Ontario
    Jackie ·
    So far I’ve made all the agreements and I’ve paid for everything except for one payment on our venue of $1500. I’ve also paid for the entire honeymoon. But it’s my first wedding and he gets Anxiety attacks. Don’t want to pressure him. So far I don’t mind. I’m just happy to be getting married.
  • Mandy
    Devoted July 2019 Alberta
    Mandy ·
    We talk on how much everything is costing. It is shared equally however I feel the stress of money leaving my bank account. We have a joint account where I pay a lot of our bills from. That way he can see how much everything is costing as well.

    Taking to each other is the most important advice.
  • Janis
    Curious June 2019 Ontario
    Janis ·
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    I feel it reduces unnecessary stress. In our relationship we’ve always agreed to open communication. Same goes for our wedding planning process. We want to make sure we don’t break the bank, especially since we’re paying for it on our own.
  • Kelly
    Frequent user September 2019 Manitoba
    Kelly ·

    Thanks for all the input. Its been really insightful reading how everybody is planning on saving and splitting the costs. I didn't mean to make it sound as though I was DREADING talking money matters with my fiance, lol. We're very open with each other. We've been living together for 3 years and have always split our living costs evenly. We make pretty close the same amount.

    We chatted about the wedding costs last night, and came up with a savings plan, and he wants to take care of the next venue payment so its not all on me. Like I said, he's not a planner. He likes wedding planning, he's just not proactive about it. He's just the kind of person that needs to be reminded that things need to get done and decisions need to be made.

  • Angel
    Frequent user June 2019 British Columbia
    Angel ·

    As an accountant, dealing with the wedding was like another project at work! Before we made any purchases for the wedding, I came up with a budget for each item and we began saving 50/50 towards that budget. I set up a joint account and each month we will put in the same amount once we got our paycheque. We put it in a high interest savings account so the interest will help towards the wedding as well! Both my FH and I are definitely feeling the financial crunch from saving up for the wedding. Therefore, we have had to look for ways to cut costs or alternatively find a side job to help. The light at the end of the tunnel is the cash gifts we get back the day of. However, it is unsettling because we won't know how much we'll get so it is hard to bank on that amount as a means to pay for the wedding. Luckily though, is that the final payment for my photographer and reception venue comes a day after the wedding so timing wise is good. I would try to put as much as possible on a credit card so you can defer the timing of the payment plus earn some cash back benefits.

    My FH is not good at planning things so most of that responsibility has landed on my plate. We sit down time to time and I provide him with an update of what's new. He's been very supportive of all my decisions but I agree that it would be nice if he could actually be more hands on with the tasks. I have allocated him a few simple things to do but he still needs me to bug him to get it done...

    I agree with the other gals that you should speak to your FH about your financial stress. Wedding and marriage are both journeys that you will take as a couple. If you are uncomfortable talking to him about the wedding now, how much more uncomfortable will you be in the future when you experience more challenges as a married couple?

  • Jennifer
    Expert July 2019 Ontario
    Jennifer ·
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    Sounds like you are handling things how my FH and I. its worked well for us.

  • Leanne
    Expert September 2018 Ontario
    Leanne ·

    Money is always a difficult thing to talk about. I highly suggest you sit down together and make a plan for who is going to pay for what or if all the money is coming out of your pocket initially then how much should he be giving you to chip in. Alternatively at the end of the day if you have spent more, use more of the cash gifts to pay yourself back.

    My FH makes 4x the amount of money that I do, so it has been very difficult for us to go 50/50 in things. But we made a plan of what I will pay for vs what he will pay for so that we both feel like we are each contributing what we see as fair.

  • Megann
    Frequent user September 2018 New Brunswick
    Megann ·
    We had the money saved already. So that stress isnt there, it’s pure sadness to see our hard earned money go away, but it’ll be worth it

    just talk to him and be honest. Your marriage is doomed if you cant tell him things like this.
  • Alexandra
    Super November 2019 British Columbia
    Alexandra ·
    Money is my nightmare right now. I’m in a job that physically doesn’t pay enough to pitch in to anything except paying off a small amount of debt each paycheck. My fiancé is footing all the bills and fingers crossed he should be getting a raise soon that will help put money towards wedding funds. It’s difficult as hell and it causes a few arguements but at the end of the day it shows us just how well we can figure it out.

    Talk to your fiancé. You’re clearly feeling the stress financially and that’s not fair if he’s making enough to contribute something. Getting it out there will leave you feeling so much better. Honestly my fiancé and I are in such a tight spot for money but just talking it through together makes an insane difference.
  • Janis
    Curious June 2019 Ontario
    Janis ·
    Hey Kelly, you’re not alone A lot of the external vendors (Officiant, photographer and now possibly DJ) I’ve paid for from my bank account. I don’t start any issues over it, but what I have been doing is making an excel sheet. I have all the payments jotted down, the dates deposits were made AND WHO made the payment. My fiancé and I agreed never to make any payments or bookings without each other so there are no surprises. That’s how I kept sane through this process (so far). I haven’t even thought of bachelorette / bridal shower planning at all because I feel that’s another guest list and expense to think of
  • Jennifer
    Curious September 2018 Ontario
    Jennifer ·
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    We did basically the same thing! He did not want to spend money on a good photographer but i did so i bit that bill myself. Hes paying for alcohol and any improvements on the venue (friends place) that we wanted (New fire pit, newgravel etc) but the rest we split 50/50

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