Expert September 2019 Ontario

Choosing Wedding Party!

Becky, on 13/March/2018 at 15:27 Posted in Before the wedding

My Fiancé says he is able to match my numbers and to choose who I want. I am having issues because I want 5 people (one is my sister, one is his sister, one is a friend and I am in her wedding to, childhood friend, and friend made few years ago). My parents feel I need to have both my sisters, however my oldest sister has made it very clear she does not like my FH and has said many things in the past despite him never even saying anything to her. She has recently called off her wedding and I think this is the issue. When I told her I was engaged she was happy and assumed she would be in the wedding party and I said I hadn't decided yet. I don't know how to tell her she isn't in it. My FH also has another sister, and I have to let her know as well. I don't think she would have an issue with it as we are not close at all.

My issue is how to do I tell both sisters they aren't in the party? My mom told me to mention I would have one sister from each side plus my friends in it. If I were to have her I would feel like I would need to have both of his and that would be 4 alone and not people I would all want.

I also had another friend when I told her that she had bashed the fact I had chosen one friend who was out of province because she can't help as much. Girl out of province have been friends for 3 years and the other friend is very close to me (friends for 7 years approximately). When I thought of my wedding party I didn't think of her immediately until after. Not sure if I should be adding her or not but then its 6 bridesmaids! and I feel that number is huge.

Any advice would help!!



  • Erin
    Master September 2017 Ontario
    Erin ·
    View quoted message
    This is great advice!! I totally agree!

  • Becky
    Expert September 2019 Ontario
    Becky ·
    View quoted message

    Thanks Candace! I haven't always been close with my FH's sister it took a little at first but now we see each other weekly and she's my go to person. She's helped me so much with idea's for the wedding and everything else. I have people who would do as you describe and thank you for your opinion!

  • Candace
    Super May 2019 Ontario
    Candace ·
    I picked each girl in my wedding party based on what they would bring to my day. My MOH has known me for half my life and will keep me calm no matter happens, my one bridesmaid always makes me laugh, my other bridesmaid is great at understanding what I need at certain times so she will keep people away who I don't need or find my mom or someone if I need them. They are all people who I can trust to help me with everything and want to tell all the wedding details to.
    I thought of asking my fiancé's sister to be a bridesmaid but we aren't close enough for me to picture her there for everything so I decided against it. It comes down to what kind of energy the people in your party will bring and who you can trust to support you like the wedding party should.
  • Becky
    Expert September 2019 Ontario
    Becky ·
    Thank you for the advice! Defiantly makes me feel better about choosing knowing others have had a larger party also helps. I know the discussions won’t go the greatest but they will have some time to heal before the wedding. I know my friend regardless if I choose her or not will be supportive and wants to help either way. I think she was offended that I chose someone I knew years over her.
  • Renee
    Devoted October 2018 Ontario
    Renee ·
    Courtney makes a great point. Remember these girls are there in your intimate space while you get ready, around for all the events and important parts. I have 10 bridesmaids and the reason I chose all of them is because I really couldn't picture getting married without them. I love them all! it's your wedding you are allowed to be selfish. And unfortunately now is the time where there may be some shifts in relationships but that's ok. I've noticed people always have an opinion about something to do with the wedding. It gets confusing and annoying at times! But I constantly remind myself it's my day and I need to do what makes me happy 😊
  • Courtney
    Super July 2018 Ontario
    Courtney ·

    Choosing your bridal party is always a really tough situation and I understand the pain, 9 months after my engagement, I still have a FMIL who is very unhappy with my choices. However, this is my advice.

    Forget about ALL the options and just think about who do you envision getting ready with the morning of your wedding. Who do you picture will be there to laugh and help you when you're nervous? Who do you want standing up at the front with you? And who do you want sitting at your head table with you for dinner?

    There's usually people who spring to mind immediately, which are the people you probably already selected. Those are the girls who should be your bridesmaids.

    You should NOT make someone a bridesmaid because they expect it or demand it or think they deserve it. There are no rules that you need to have bridesmaids be family or people you've known for longer, its about the relationships. People may be bitter at first about your choices, but they will get over it, I promise.

    Having an out of town bridesmaid is also fine. My bridesmaid live close by but I've not had many 'duties' for them. An out of town bridesmaid could handle it no problem.

    As for your sister, just let her know that you love her but I would be honest with her and say her comments about your FH have made you decide to not include her. If she apologizes, and you feel differently then you can always reconsider having her as a bridesmaid. You are 100% not obligated to make his other sister to be a bridesmaid if you have both your sisters either. Totally different relationships

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