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J
Newbie October 2019 Ontario

Cash Bar Guilt!

Jenn, on May 19, 2019 at 21:45 Posted in Wedding reception 0 20
Hello,

So we are having a cash bar at our wedding- this was not our original intention, but we have being drawing the short straw in life a lot lately and circumstances have had to change. We have cut as much as we feel we possibly can, we have a small guest list (60 people), I got my dress at the DB $99 dollar sale, FH isn’t wearing a suit- we got him a new shirt ($10 clearance find!) and tie, no bridal party etc etc- we also can’t change the date to a later date without losing all the deposits we’ve already spent. But the budget still hasn’t come down enough to allow us to keep the original open bar idea. We will provide wine on the tables during dinner (1-2 hours, bar will have to be closed during this time) and we have budgeted to provide 2 drink tickets per guest.
Every article I read seems to say we are HORRIBLE TERRIBLE people for even uttering the words “cash bar” and I have read other community forums that basically tell you the same. I have a few friends who have turned up their noses when I’ve said we will likely have to have a cash bar.

A t this point I’m ready to throw in the towel for the entire day and just forget it- i am so beyond stressed about people being offended by having to purchase drinks, and I would hate to upset people. I know other forums advice is to cut the guest list further- but wouldn’t you rather be invited to celebrate with friends then have free booze?! Anyway, thanks for listening to my rant!!! Any advice is greatly appreciated!

20 Comments

Latest activity by A-W, on February 26, 2020 at 17:29
  • A-W
    Frequent user May 2021 Ontario
    A-W ·
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    I have seen a lot of the same things saying not to have a cash bar. We are having a cash bar, we might do dinner wine but even then I'm leaning towards no. As long as guest know it is a cash bar ahead of time it shouldn't be an issue. It would be pretty rude for anyone to mention being offended about a lack of free alcohol. They should be coming because they are happy for you two, not for free drinks. I have even been to 2 weddings that were completely dry weddings and they were awesome!
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  • Kelly
    Expert September 2019 Manitoba
    Kelly ·
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    You're providing wine on the tables and they get 2 drinks free. That is plenty! Please don't feel guilty. We live in a culture where wedding guests feel entitled to things (an invite, a plus one, an open bar, etc...). You are not required to give anybody any of those things if you don't want to or cannot afford to! This day belongs to you and your fiance. Plan the day you want and can afford. Don't go into debt just to impress your friends. If that's their requirement, then they aren't good friends.

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  • Stefanie
    Devoted August 2020 Saskatchewan
    Stefanie ·
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    I wouldn't stress about it too much. I was in a wedding a couple years ago and the venue they chose had to be either an open bar or a cash bar. My friend didn't have the money in the budget to pay for everyone's drinks, so it was cash. The guests drank less but everyone still had fun. Plus, the disadvantage of open bars is that so many people tend to get their drink, leave it to dance or something, forget about it, and then grab another which in the end can be really pricey. The important thing to remember is that it is not all about the alcohol, like you said it's about celebrating the day with you.

    Another option if you are feeling bad and it's within your budget is a toonie bar. You can make some of the money back that you spent on the alcohol, plus whatever that is not opened can be returned to the LB.

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  • Amanda
    Devoted July 2020 Ontario
    Amanda ·
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    If your friends and family are that upset about you not having an open bar perhaps they should be footing the bill. I think a cash bar is more common than people let on & people upset about not having an open bar, well, its probably for the best for them because they were probably going to drink excessively. Don't put yourself into debt for something other people want and dont feel bad about it either; its your day and this is what you want/what you can afford. That's smart!
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  • Collette
    Newbie February 2021 Hawaii
    Collette ·
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    My fiance and I are planning our wedding for next February in Maui and the restaurant will only let us do fully open bar or fully hosted bar, no wine on tables, no up to a certain amount paid for by us, no beer and wine only. Has anyone done "Cash Bar Starter" as a wedding favor? Perhaps enough cash for a drink or 2 in a ti leaf at each place setting?

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  • Kelly
    Expert September 2019 Manitoba
    Kelly ·
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    I really hope that reading all of these responses has affirmed for you that you are NOT terrible person for not providing an open bar! I'm sorry that people are making you feel like you owe them that. That's pretty rude of them.

    If I was a guest at your wedding, and there was wine on the table, and you gave me TWO FREE DRINK TICKETS, I'd be totally fine.

    I went to a wedding where they provided sparking apple juice on the tables, then had a CASH JUICE BAR. No alcohol at all. So there you have it. you're not the worst host by any stretch of the imagination.

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  • RayChance
    Ontario
    RayChance ·
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    Just serve wine and have no bar...but guests can have the option to order a drink from the server. Maybe that will help to control the costs. I have been to weddings where they had paid per consumption. If you don't have a heavy drinking crowd the consumed alcohol outside of the wine may only be $500 ish bucks. If you know someone in particular is a drinker just cut them off early! lol

    Best of luck

    -Ray Chance

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  • Tori
    Top October 2019 Manitoba
    Tori ·
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    I think it's totally fine - I wouldn't be offended in the slightest! My FH and I have even brought our own alcohol to a wedding where it was in a hotel just for that reason and it was a good time hanging out with others in our hotel rooms in between the ceremony and reception!

    I get the whole people giving you a hard time though - that was the #1 question after we set the date. I get it though, it will have an impact on how much people give in their presentation cards so they need to know. All it would mean to me as a guest is that the card will have enough to pay for the meal and then a small gift - minus how much I would have given for providing the booze. I know that not everybody does that though so it just may have been how I was raised.

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  • Stephanie
    Master July 2018 Alberta
    Stephanie ·
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    I have attended 15 or so weddings in my adult life. And half of them have had cash bars. I don’t see anything wrong with it. Just let people know on the invitations that it is cash bar so they can plan accordingly. I think 2 drink tickets and wine is a good compromise because that’s all some people will drink anyway.
    It’s not unreasonable to ask people to pay for their own drinks! You’re doing what you can and no need to go in debt so everyone can have free drinks! It’s not worth it.
    Plus, I’ve heard there is less waste when people pay for it themselves (not sure where I heard it, but it makes sense to me)
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  • Bianca
    Master August 2019 Ontario
    Bianca ·
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    I think as long as your guests know there will be a cash bar, there's no problem. They will plan appropriately and bring the cash that is required. To each their own at the end of the day.

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  • Vinod
    Top August 2017 Ontario
    Vinod ·
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    Your not at fault for going the route of Cash Bar. Some guests may feel this unfriendly way of you saying come with money since we can't fork out for you all. Your budget has been worked out to what you have considered and to your limit. Its nice you did 2 tickets each person to start and they should appreciate it.

    Don't stress over this issue and just enjoy your day with your guests even those whom don't want to spend money on their drinks as much as they whine about the wine. LOL

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  • Becky
    VIP September 2019 Ontario
    Becky ·
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    Honestly, it seems to be new part of weddings. The last few years, people have provided amazing food but say cash bar. I don't blame them and if its not in the budget thats fine to me. I will be doing cash bar and just mentioned on invite and the website so people aren't shocked when get there and no money. As a guest, I would want to be invited and pay for own booze then not be invited.

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  • Valérie
    VIP September 2019 Quebec
    Valérie ·
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    Reading through those articles feel like reading through WebMD and convincing yourself that you have an incurable illness....when really, you have a common cold hahaha.

    Regardless of the bar option, your guests will have a blast. I honestly haven't heard anyone complain AT the wedding about it, those comments usually come out when the couple's planning their wedding.

    As long as you're communicating the bar option with your guests, and whether there will be ATMs on site or not, it'll be fine Smiley smile

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  • Erin
    Super May 2022 Ontario
    Erin ·
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    We are having a cash bar and will be providing 2 free drinks. I'm debating a complimentry champagne toast or signature drink. Our venue bar prices are reasonable- between 4-5.25 so i don't feel too bad about a cash bar.
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  • Kirsten
    Frequent user October 2025 Alberta
    Kirsten ·
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    I am sorry that people are not understanding the situation you are in. A cash bar is totally ok. In the end, this is your wedding and you have to do what is best for you. FH and I are doing a toonie bar which in the end should cut the cost a little. Not to mention my family is known to get out of hand when it comes to drinks.

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  • Amie
    Devoted August 2019 British Columbia
    Amie ·
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    Wow - why are people turning up their noses? YOU are providing two free drinks, FREE wines during dinner?

    Thats FREE alcohol for yours guests! I can tell you that is more than I’ve been given at most of the weddings I’ve attended.

    Stop stressing. If your friends and family are being so critical and judgemental with their being a cash bar, I’d take a hard look at how much they value free liquor. It’s sad. You are giving two free drinks plus free wine at dinner - that’s a lot!

    Neither my fiancé or I drink, I am against an open bar. We are giving away 2 drink tickets (like you), a glass of sparkling wine for the toasts, and their will be alcoholic and non-alcoholic punch available during cocktail hour. That’s pretty much on par with what you are doing. I don’t feel bad. I feel generous really because I can’t justify spending thousands of dollars on alcohol when we don’t drink.

    You and your fiancé are being extremely generous. You aren’t doing strictly cash bar. You are graciously offering your guests two free drinks and wine with their FREE meal. Like I said, if my friends and family are so fixated on the amount of alcohol they will get for free, that’s something THEY need to look at.

    Sorry for my rant! Hope this helps you see things in a different light though.
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  • Kelsie
    Master July 2021 Ontario
    Kelsie ·
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    Cash bar Isn’t an option for us personally but I think a cash bar can be great because guests are more likely to moderate their drinking this way!
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  • A
    Frequent user June 2019 Ontario
    Allyson ·
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    We're feeling a little nervous about open bar too. We had decided then last minute at our venue meeting my fiance started pulling back on the idea. We're now leaving towards having wine, then open for a short bit then guests are responsible for paying their own drinks after that.
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  • Emily
    Frequent user August 2019 New Brunswick
    Emily ·
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    I guess with the family i come from cash bar has never been a big issue? We are having ours at a smaller venue and we live in a small town so we are doing byod, but IF we had a bar it would be cash as well. Main reason being we are paying for 90% of the wedding our selves
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  • Stephanie
    Frequent user July 2021 Ontario
    Stephanie ·
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    I have been to weddings where it's cash bar, toonie bar, open bar and everyone always has a good time.

    I am not sure why there is such stigma around 'open' bar?

    Wine and 2 drinks sounds perfectly acceptable to me.

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