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Olivia
Frequent user October 2021 Ontario

Bridesmaid Negativity

Olivia, on September 16, 2020 at 14:43 Posted in Plan a wedding 0 27
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So I’m having an issue with one of my bridesmaids. I bought my wedding dress mid- August and made our bridesmaid apt a few days later. The appointment is for this Saturday and one of my girls has all of a sudden decided she is terrified of covid. I understand the fear, but my issue and frustration come from the fact that the appointment was made almost a month ago and she’s just decided this is a problem for her now. She told me she is not afraid to go to the store but she doesn’t want to be near myself or the rest of my girls... so the big problem here is she doesn’t drive.
Our appointment is in another city and I have already made arrangements to have another girl pick her up and drive her home, which in my opinion shouldn’t be up to me to have to do figure out for her. So her issue is being in the car with us, so I said get your boyfriend to drive you, well he can’t because he works that day. I have no other suggestions to give her. I have figured out transportation for you and you don’t like it, this is no longer my problem.

I can’t stop stressing about it because she is debating if she even wants to come. I’ve tried telling her that whether we go Saturday or we go next month covid is still going to be a thing. She is not going without me, because I obviously need to say if I like the dress or not. She’s also even said to me “I’m not sure your wedding will even happen.” Obviously not something you should be saying to the bride.
I have talked to my MOH and she said she’ll send everyone a message basically saying leave your negative opinions to yourself. But I’m not convinced that will stop her.
This was a super long post, I basically wrote this just to vent. Advice is welcome.

27 Comments

Latest activity by Olivia, on September 18, 2020 at 14:30
  • Olivia
    Frequent user October 2021 Ontario
    Olivia Online ·
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    You’re totally right. I decided to say something to her about it. I was going to have my MOH do it but I thought I’d be more affective coming from me. After I did that she apologized and agreed to go dress shopping on a different weekend with just myself and my sister!
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  • Olivia
    Frequent user October 2021 Ontario
    Olivia Online ·
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    Thanks for the reply! Luckily after a discussion with her she has apologized for the negativity and agreed to go dress shopping with my sister and I!
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  • Olivia
    Frequent user October 2021 Ontario
    Olivia Online ·
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    Thanks for the reply! I’ve talked with her and voiced my concerns with her negativity. She apologized and agreed to go dress shopping with just myself and my sister, thankfully 👌🏻
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  • D
    Newbie June 2021 Ontario
    Deanna ·
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    If this kind of negativity is showing up now, who's to say what else she will complain about in the future! If this was me, I would question if I even want her in the wedding party anymore. The sole purpose of the wedding party is to support the bride, help, and celebrate the union as someone who cherishes you. If she's not doing that then you don't need that kind of stress in your life. Up to you, just sharing my opinion. Smiley smile good luck!

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  • Vinod
    Featured August 2017 Ontario
    Vinod ·
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    Your one bridesmaid can stay home and not attend if she isn't comfortable being the car with you all or getting a ride. Her attitude isn't right and finding a solution is hard to work around. The others can get their dresses as needed when going and for the one staying back can go on her own time given you provide the store, phone number and your name as the bride to know which dress is being ordered for her fitting/sizing.

    I can understand her position though she doesn't realize how strong she is making her comments towards you and the others to put herself as strong and bad. She shouldn't have said what she said just because Covid is around us all and it won't go away on the weekend. I wish you all the best and hopefully she comes around better.

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  • Alyssa
    Beginner July 2021 Manitoba
    Alyssa ·
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    Good! Have fun! Enjoy yourself!!
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  • Olivia
    Frequent user October 2021 Ontario
    Olivia Online ·
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    Thank you for understanding my frustration! I’ve decided to just let it go and have a fun day whether she’s there or not. I’m going to choose the dress for her and that’s that!
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  • Olivia
    Frequent user October 2021 Ontario
    Olivia Online ·
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    Thank you!! I’m going to have to do that because based on the reply she sent me today saying she isn’t coming on Saturday I need to know where her thoughts lie on future events.
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  • Olivia
    Frequent user October 2021 Ontario
    Olivia Online ·
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    Thank you so much for saying all of this!! I truly appreciate it. Sounds exactly what the rest of my bridesmaids have been saying. I’ve decided that I’m over it, I can’t waste my energy trying to explain to her the importance of getting your dress in advance, she won’t change her mind. So I’ve made the choice to tell her I’ll be choosing her dress on Saturday and she can go in or call to get it ordered on her own time.
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  • Alyssa
    Beginner July 2021 Manitoba
    Alyssa ·
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    Hello,
    So sorry to hear this. In my opinion, if she is starting to wonder whether or not your wedding will happen she should be providing you with support and not negative comments.
    I hope this doesn’t seem to harsh, you can ignore my comment if so. But I wouldn’t worry about it. I would leave her behind. If she is not willing to set up arrangements for herself then that’s je own problem. If I were you, I would just go and have a super fun day with the rest of your bridesmaids and not even think about that. That’s what that day is supposed to be for you guys anyways, a fun opportunity to go dress shopping with your favourite girls. After your trip, send her a photo of the dress she will need to buy and tell her to make her own arrangements to get fitted. When she does make comments about whether or not she thinks the wedding will happen, I would just say “for now it is, and I need you to make plans to go and get your dress before it is too late. If I need to postpone, then we will have the dresses in advance.” Not trying to say that Covid fears aren’t legitimate, but I think your right that she should have said something a while ago or made an effort to make plans to go on her own. You’ve been more than accommodating.Again, sorry if this is harsh. Ignore me if you don’t agree. Remember that this wedding is all about you, both the big day and the planning process leading up to it. It’s not often that we get to enjoy one thing that is all about us! Don’t let anybody take that away from you.
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  • A
    Newbie October 2020 Ontario
    Alanna ·
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    Hi there,


    My fiancé and I moved our date from June 20 2020 to October 10 2020. We asked our guests who would still be attending and about 30 people replied telling us they cannot attend due to covid. I found this stressful because the pandemic is making things very uncertain. Many guests are also undecided on whether they want to come, which is also frustrating. Today, there is a chance we may have to cut guests to 25. For guests that keep saying yes and then no, they’re scared of covid, giving us a hard time, they’re going to be cut because they aren’t reliable. In your case, you have tried many suggestions and gone out of your way to arrange alternatives and your bridesmaid is still unsure. I would ask her if she still wants to be part of the bridal party. It may sound harsh, but people need to be honest and straightforward. It’s so much easier planning amidst this already difficult situation. I understand the pandemic is scary and some people cannot afford the to take the risk. But if they feel uncomfortable, don’t come. All the best
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  • Geneviève
    Super September 2020 Ontario
    Geneviève ·
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    I totally get where she’s coming from with these covid fears, but if it’s going to impede everything she needs to do, maybe staying in the party isn’t the best choice for her (especially if she’s thinking she might not come to the wedding at all).
    I think your best bet is to sit her down and have an open and honest talk about covid and how she’s feeling. It could just be fear that needs alleviating at her own pace where she can still participate distantly (like zoom or her own appointment) but needs help figuring out what that looks like. She might also be looking for an out to just be a guest in case she doesn’t feel safe attending. Having a safe conversation is the best way to see where you’re both at and how you can meet in the middle.
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  • Olivia
    Frequent user October 2021 Ontario
    Olivia Online ·
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    Thank you for seeing it from my perspective, pretty much exactly what I was thinking!
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  • Olivia
    Frequent user October 2021 Ontario
    Olivia Online ·
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    Oh that sounds really promising, thanks for the info! I’ll have to check with our salon and see if they could do that for us.
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  • Olivia
    Frequent user October 2021 Ontario
    Olivia Online ·
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    I totally get the covid thing I just don’t understand her logic of not wanting to go in the car with us but having no issue once we get to the store (and go out for dinner afterwards) I’m actually having a few different styles, likely 4 because I have 8 girls so I thought having them all come and choose their own style that compliments them was a good plan. But I guess I’ll just choose for her based on whoever has the most similar body shape as her.
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  • Kim
    Curious October 2020 Ontario
    Kim ·
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    My bridesmaids and I went dress shopping before lockdown and they found a dress they both liked. They didn't commit to it at the time rhiu and by the time we were supposed to go back to look again, everything was shut down. Our bridal salon was awesome though and emailed the information on how to take your own measurements so the girls could proceed with the order despite covid.


    Perhaps your salon could do the same for your bridal party....as long as you find the dress you all like and they can pay the deposit?
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