Maegan
Beginner May 2020 Ontario

Bridesmaid advice and When to officially pick your bridesmaids

Maegan, on 12/April/2018 at 13:10 Posted in Plan a wedding
Hello!
So my wedding is over 2 years from now, its May 30th 2020, so I am in no rush to pick my bridesmaids but friends and family keep asking who Im going to have and why I havent announced it yet. I am a triplet and we are all girls so I told my sisters that they will obviously be Co-MOHs for me and my Fiance's Sister and I are close so I want her standing with me as well. Then I have one close friend that I call my low matience bff because we can pick up where we left off no matter how long its been since we last hung out- so she will obvi be included as well.

My question is the other 3 girls that I'm considering for my bridal party are all relatively new/ complicated friends. One is a girlfriend of one of my fiance's groomsmen, Shes awesome and I love her to death but it worries me about picking her as her and her bf have only been together for a year and 2 years is a long time to just assume they will still be together. Another friend I'm considering is fabulous! and would really balance out my girls but we've only known each other for less then a year, and as much as we've hit it off, I hope I will still be in these girls lives long after my wedding. The last girl I'm considering is a long time friend who I met when she was dating my Fainces best friend and Best man. They went through a nasty breakup last year but her and I have continued to try and stay close and we were doing great until she announced she was moving out west for atleast a year. My engagement has definitley brought us closer but her heading to two timezones away for the forseeable future makes me question how close we will continue to be, plus the history with her and the best man (which is better then i was) still can be quite awkward.

Now i know who i put in my bridal party is up to me ultimately because you ladies dont know my relationships with these girls. BUT my questions are 1: with my wedding date being so far away when should I pick my ladies officially?? Also did anyone pick someone or not pick someone and have any advice on what I should be focused on when considering who stands with me??
Any bridesmaid advice is super appreciated!!!
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11 Comments

  • Alexandra
    Featured November 2019 British Columbia
    Alexandra ·
    Definitely wait! I regret one of my choices already, and it’s not like she’s done anything deserving of being kicked out or anything but I just wish I hadn’t rushed because I don’t feel like she’s a good fit.
  • Amanda
    Super August 2018 Alberta
    Amanda ·
    I asked my girls too soon and I kind of regret it now. My MOH is my little sister, and I don’t think I would have ever changed that, and my one bridesmaid and I have actually become closer because we are planning our weddings at the same time (she is getting married 6 weeks before us), but my other bridesmaid is a stick in the mud. She had been my best friend for 10 years, we did everything together. So I never thought I wouldn’t have asked her to stand up there with me. But since I’ve asked my girls (which was very shortly after we got engaged and about 2 years before our wedding) she has all but stopped talking to me. She’s moved, and I’ll never blame her for that, but it’s quite difficult to get together. Especially for wedding related things. And on top of that, she has had 2 kids. So she is a very busy lady. It’s actually more difficult having her as a bridesmaid then it would have been to ask her to just be a guest. So I’d say wait, even just a little while. There’s really no rush to have your bridal party decided
  • Maegan
    Super July 2018 British Columbia
    Maegan ·
    There is no harm in waiting until a year out. If i think back to 2 years ago i for sure would have a different bridal party than i do now! I wouldnt have even met one of my bridesmaids yet.

    The reality is that relationships are dynamic and always changing. Doesnt mean you ever stop being friends but often you grow closer with some and further with others over time and even a year can make a large difference.

    I know its super exciting to pick your wedding party but the last thing you want to do is invite soneone when you dont know how life is going to change in the next couple years. Especially when new couples in the potential wedding party are dating!
  • Stephanie
    Master July 2018 Alberta
    Stephanie ·

    I say wait! Ask them all closer to the date (that way they won't feel like they were an afterthought!): I would say a year before maximum. You never know what can happen! My fiance and I had originally talked about getting married last summer. But, before we got very far we decided to wait another year. My bridal party would've looked different if we had gotten married last year. Friendships change. Nothing wrong with that, but you want the friends standing beside you that are closest to at that moment.

    When choosing your wedding party, decide beforehand what you expect of them! I have three, and one lives in another province. I was not expecting them to help with any pre-wedding stuff (except the bachelorette!) so I was okay with having someone who lived far away. But, if I had wanted them to help put together invitations and favours and flowers, I would've chosen someone who lives closer. Instead, I chose the three who I feel I am closest with and will be life-long friends!

    My friend had to pick between two friends and chose one that she felt she was closest to, but that friend is also...shall we say, flakey. She ended up not helping with any of the pre-wedding stuff and my friend had wished she had chosen the friend who was more reliable.

  • Brittany
    Featured January 2019 British Columbia
    Brittany ·

    I didn't even need to read half your post (don't worry, I did anyways, haha)... but let me warn you now: Do not invite in drama where you don't need it. If you know in your gut already people could cause problems, avoid it!

    Your two sisters, FSIL and BFF should be your core. How many guys does your FH have? want? You can always play the card, "keeping it small and matching numbers"... Your new friends will be involved in all your pre-wedding festivities regardless.

    People kind of expect you to name your bridal party ASAP, but it doesn't mean you have to. I got engaged 4 months ago and I have already had to replace my MOH. I knew she could cause drama, but went with her anyways out of guilt. Now she may not even come to the wedding...

    If people ask, simply say "We are waiting to be closer to the wedding to start making those decisions".

    Also, the friend who is the best man's ex? As much as you might want her to be involved, the bridal parties do need to co-exist, and if it's going to be awkward or cause drama, you might need to make the call to not include her. But then again, 2 years is a long time, and maybe they will be better being around each other by then.

    Again, back to, push off that commitment until at least a year out!

  • Bianca
    Featured August 2019 Ontario
    Bianca ·

    I know there's a lot of excitement to ask your girls to be party of your bridal party now but wait as long as you can. Things change whether you like it or not. Obviously your sisters are automatic, just hold off on the rest.

    My wedding isn't until August 2019 and I'm keeping tight-lipped on who I'm going to ask because anything could happen with my friends.

  • Courtney
    Super July 2018 Ontario
    Courtney ·

    There's no rule on when you HAVE to pick people.

    You could always ask your family members, or the people you know you'd want 100%. IN a while you could re-assess how you feel about the 3 other girls and ask them a bit closer to the date. I'd ask about a year out though as thats when planning will start to pick up and you'll have to think about bridesmaid dresses.

  • Jessica
    Super March 2018 Ontario
    Jessica ·

    I would also say to wait until about a year out. If questions come up, just say you are waiting until the date gets closer. Definitely announce you've chosen your sisters to be MOHs, but leave the rest until the year out, when you know the relationships a bit better and are ready to ask them to commit to being your bridesmaid. The last thing you would want is someone to only stay friends with you because they are in your wedding party or things go south with other relationships and they make a bunch of drama for you.

  • Jen
    VIP June 2018 Ontario
    Jen ·

    Definitely wait until closer to the date. I picked my MOH and BM's right way and honestly should have waited, or not even asked anybody at all. Pick those who you know are going to be there for you and will actually help and support you through the planning process.

  • Valérie
    Featured September 2019 Quebec
    Valérie ·

    I'd wait until it's closer to crunch time (about 12-18 months out). We were debating on asking our niece and nephew (well, ask their mom anyway) to be our flower girl/ring bearer, but with the wedding being almost 2-years out, it made no sense because they'd totally forget about it and wouldn't really care hahaha. Now that the excitement of us being engaged has died down, we're happy we're waiting, because our plans have definitely changed since we got engaged.

  • Becky
    Expert September 2019 Ontario
    Becky ·

    I had originally set my date for 2020 and we had debated the same thing. Because so far away what should I do and who should I pick. My fiancé said he would wait till a year before to choose as he wasn't sure. I knew my girls instantly. However, there's always drama behind things sometimes. Its really up to you when you pick. You can wait a year or pick them know and ask. The girl you are nervous about, that's something you will have in the back of your mind regarding their relationship no matter what. if something were to happen and relationship went south. She would more likely drop out, do you care if its uneven and it might still give you time to ask someone else. The last girl about the timezone, I would stay away from only due to issues with the best man. You mentioned you only new her for a year or less. She might be in a new relationship by then but you never now when people see eachother again years later what emotions might come out. If you think she is capable of not pulling a dumb stunt then forsure have her! I just used a bridal shop that my friend could order off line from to order her dress.

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