Newbie June 2020 Ontario

Bridal Party conflict

Sarah-Lynn, on 12/August/2019 at 10:44 Posted in Plan a wedding
Hey everyone, first time writing on the discussion board and hoping for some insight.
My fiancé and I are finalizing who to choose for our bridal party. We feel like we have it narrowed down but now my family is upset with who we have not chosen.
What is everyone’s take on the requirement to include family members in a bridal party?


  • Kelly
    Expert September 2019 Manitoba
    Kelly ·

    At the end of the day, you want the people who are most important to you standing next to you. So pick who is important to you and don't allow outside influences dictate who is in your bridal party. Who you have up there will ultimately be helping you bring this day to fruition, so you want to ensure that you're picking people who support you, and who you can rely on.

    Families will have MANY opinions as you go through the planning process. We're a few weeks out and have had our fair share op guest list demands, menu opinions, seating chart debates, etc. Some things you'll let slide, others you'll stand your ground; you'll know whats worth fighting for Smiley tongue

    Best of luck!!

  • Ashley
    Expert August 2020 Ontario
    Ashley ·

    Its your wedding party you guys should decide whose close to you both. im not having my sister in my wedding party and im sure it will people will be upset but i want people are supportive and helpful in my party! i dont think there is any requirement. im picking friends and one cousin im close with. my gf when she got married picked ALL friends on both her and her husbands side. the choice is totally yours. i dont want to have a wedding party where i dont really care for the people standing with me. but thats just my thought.

  • Amie
    Devoted August 2019 British Columbia
    Amie ·
    That’s such a tough situation. If your not including your fiancés only sister and he’s close to her, then I may suggest considering her? It’s hard when we don’t know the dynamics and honestly only you and your fiancé can determine that.

    I will say this, any wedding I’ve been to both the bride and groom has including their partner’s siblings in their wedding party. But in truth, they all got along and it gave everyone a chance to get to know one another better.
  • Kelly
    Devoted May 2020 Ontario
    Kelly ·
    It’s not required! Especially if your not close enough with them or find they will be helpful in the events leading up to and including the wedding
  • Darren
    Beginner August 2020 Ontario
    Darren ·
    It’s your wedding and your goal should always be doing what makes you both happy. Your wedding day is meant to be a beautiful intimate & memorable so no need to worry about pleasing anyone. In short there are only two people who matter and it’s yourself and your fiancé. Happy Planning & Congratulations.
  • Erin
    Super September 2019 Ontario
    Erin ·

    Do what you want. It's your wedding day. Listen to what your family has to say, but at the end of the day, the decision is yours and they will have to respect that. If you let them start pushing you around now, it's only going to get worse later.

  • Miav
    Devoted September 2020 Alberta
    Miav ·

    It is always up to you. Everyone is going to have an opinion about everything until the wedding is done. My advice is to follow your gut on what you and FH want/ comfortable with

  • Francesca
    Beginner June 2020 Ontario
    Francesca ·

    Do what YOU want. This was an issue we had with my fiance's mother. She was upset that I didn't pick his sister and that he didn't pick my brothers. We agree'd on who we wanted to be standing with us on our special day.

    Just because you don't pick someone doesn't mean they aren't going to help or enjoy your special day. THEY WILL STILL BE THERE ENJOYING AND CELEBRATING. As I mentioned, our siblings will still there with us as we get ready and have their own table at the reception right next to us, so they are still as important and special to us.

  • Emily
    Devoted October 2020 Ontario
    Emily ·
    I think it is easier said than done to say “your day, your choice,” but ultimately I think it does have to be a personal choice at the end of the day... your family will probably get over it easily but you’ll have to deal with not having the right people with you on a very big day.. that’s how I have been seeing it anyway! I also gave certain people who were close but not in the wedding party a different role to help to make them feel included - my step brother (parents now separated) is my M.C for the evening for example. ☺️

    Another option is to widen the party if you want to appease your families wishes.. but that seems like a lot of work! I hope you can figure this out without too much stress💕
  • BunnyBride
    Expert August 2020 Nova Scotia
    BunnyBride ·

    Nope, no obligation.

    I picked my sister to be my MOH because she's truly my best friend and I wanted her to be. The rest of the party are all friends because simply I am not close to any cousins, etc.

    If someone is trying to make you feel guilty about not picking them, I think that only makes the case clearer why they shouldn't be in the party and you dodged a drama bullet long-term.

  • Michael
    Newbie October 2020 Alberta
    Michael ·
    Nope. Its YOUR wedding so have YOUR bridal party the way YOU want it.
  • Alissa
    Frequent user September 2020 British Columbia
    Alissa ·
    I think a lot of factors go into making this decision. Neither my fiance or I are very close with our siblings. We opted to suck it up and have them in the bridal party for a number of reasons
    1. Like it or not, theyll be around for a while. Looking through my parents and aunts wedding photos, they cant tell me what some of their bridesmaids names are 40 years later.
    2. We have a larger bridal party anyways. At this point, what's one more ?
    3. We may not be tight with our siblings, but it's our way of showing respect for our own/eachothers parents. Both of our moms are very easy going and havent asked for a thing. I love knowing how happy I made his mom by including her other son in the wedding, and that we are starting off on the right foot as a family. (Also should mention my parents are paying for the majority of my wedding. The least I could do is include my sister as a bridesmaid for my mom)

    It is essentially OUR day. But Its just that, one day. We made the choice to celebrate with and include our friends and family so with that we also made the choice to not ruffle any feathers at the beginning of our lives together. While these are things to consider, everyones situations are so different- if this person will compromise your ability to enjoy the day, then all the power to you to stand up for what you really want!!!.. I personally am too passive and would just like to avoid a lifetime of drama over one day's decisions.
  • Cassie
    Beginner April 2020 Alberta
    Cassie ·

    Definitely not a requirement. Only thing required is you choosing people who will make your day that much better! Family will move on from their woes. Sometimes having family just enjoy the day versus having duties is better in the long run.

  • Amanda
    Featured June 2019 Ontario
    Amanda ·
    I personally don't believe in there being requirements. I think you need to make these decisions based on what you feel.
    when my brother got married my grandma was upset when I wasn't asked to be a bridesmaid, but I told her - at that time we weren't close and quite honestly, I wouldn't have wanted to be her bridesmaid and if she asked i would have known it wasn't really what she wanted.
    I say forget what people think- it is totally up to you guys.
  • Petra
    Frequent user June 2020 Ontario
    Petra ·
    I have my dister as my maid of honour and my two cousins as bridesmaids as well as my two best friends and my future sister in law. I’m very close with my sister hence why she’s my MOH but i think you need to choose people YOU want to be by your side! People will be upset either way
  • Skylor
    Frequent user June 2020 Ontario
    Skylor ·
    I think you need to do what is going to make you happy! You cannot please everyone and it's your day, the only one you can make happy is yourself.
    I have has several problems with family being unhappy with who I have invited to my wedding. But I have just come to the realization that it isn't about them. It's about me and my FH!

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