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Sarah-Lynn
Newbie June 2021 Ontario

Bridal Party conflict

Sarah-Lynn, on August 12, 2019 at 10:44 Posted in Plan a wedding 0 25
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Hey everyone, first time writing on the discussion board and hoping for some insight.
My fiancé and I are finalizing who to choose for our bridal party. We feel like we have it narrowed down but now my family is upset with who we have not chosen.
What is everyone’s take on the requirement to include family members in a bridal party?

25 Comments

Latest activity by Kelly, on August 21, 2019 at 13:47
  • Kelly
    Expert September 2019 Manitoba
    Kelly ·
    • Dispute

    At the end of the day, you want the people who are most important to you standing next to you. So pick who is important to you and don't allow outside influences dictate who is in your bridal party. Who you have up there will ultimately be helping you bring this day to fruition, so you want to ensure that you're picking people who support you, and who you can rely on.

    Families will have MANY opinions as you go through the planning process. We're a few weeks out and have had our fair share op guest list demands, menu opinions, seating chart debates, etc. Some things you'll let slide, others you'll stand your ground; you'll know whats worth fighting for Smiley tongue

    Best of luck!!

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  • Ashley
    VIP August 2020 Ontario
    Ashley ·
    • Dispute

    Its your wedding party you guys should decide whose close to you both. im not having my sister in my wedding party and im sure it will people will be upset but i want people are supportive and helpful in my party! i dont think there is any requirement. im picking friends and one cousin im close with. my gf when she got married picked ALL friends on both her and her husbands side. the choice is totally yours. i dont want to have a wedding party where i dont really care for the people standing with me. but thats just my thought.

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  • Amie
    Devoted August 2019 British Columbia
    Amie ·
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    That’s such a tough situation. If your not including your fiancés only sister and he’s close to her, then I may suggest considering her? It’s hard when we don’t know the dynamics and honestly only you and your fiancé can determine that.

    I will say this, any wedding I’ve been to both the bride and groom has including their partner’s siblings in their wedding party. But in truth, they all got along and it gave everyone a chance to get to know one another better.
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  • Kelly
    Devoted May 2020 Ontario
    Kelly ·
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    It’s not required! Especially if your not close enough with them or find they will be helpful in the events leading up to and including the wedding
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  • Darren
    Curious May 2021 Ontario
    Darren ·
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    It’s your wedding and your goal should always be doing what makes you both happy. Your wedding day is meant to be a beautiful intimate & memorable so no need to worry about pleasing anyone. In short there are only two people who matter and it’s yourself and your fiancé. Happy Planning & Congratulations.
    • Reply
  • Erin
    Super September 2019 Ontario
    Erin ·
    • Dispute

    Do what you want. It's your wedding day. Listen to what your family has to say, but at the end of the day, the decision is yours and they will have to respect that. If you let them start pushing you around now, it's only going to get worse later.

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  • Miav
    Devoted September 2020 Alberta
    Miav ·
    • Dispute

    It is always up to you. Everyone is going to have an opinion about everything until the wedding is done. My advice is to follow your gut on what you and FH want/ comfortable with

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  • Francesca
    Frequent user November 2020 Ontario
    Francesca ·
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    Do what YOU want. This was an issue we had with my fiance's mother. She was upset that I didn't pick his sister and that he didn't pick my brothers. We agree'd on who we wanted to be standing with us on our special day.


    Just because you don't pick someone doesn't mean they aren't going to help or enjoy your special day. THEY WILL STILL BE THERE ENJOYING AND CELEBRATING. As I mentioned, our siblings will still there with us as we get ready and have their own table at the reception right next to us, so they are still as important and special to us.

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  • Emily
    Expert September 2020 Ontario
    Emily ·
    • Dispute
    I think it is easier said than done to say “your day, your choice,” but ultimately I think it does have to be a personal choice at the end of the day... your family will probably get over it easily but you’ll have to deal with not having the right people with you on a very big day.. that’s how I have been seeing it anyway! I also gave certain people who were close but not in the wedding party a different role to help to make them feel included - my step brother (parents now separated) is my M.C for the evening for example. ☺️



    Another option is to widen the party if you want to appease your families wishes.. but that seems like a lot of work! I hope you can figure this out without too much stress💕
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  • BunnyBride
    Super August 2021 Nova Scotia
    BunnyBride ·
    • Dispute

    Nope, no obligation.

    I picked my sister to be my MOH because she's truly my best friend and I wanted her to be. The rest of the party are all friends because simply I am not close to any cousins, etc.

    If someone is trying to make you feel guilty about not picking them, I think that only makes the case clearer why they shouldn't be in the party and you dodged a drama bullet long-term.

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  • Michael
    Newbie October 2021 Alberta
    Michael ·
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    Nope. Its YOUR wedding so have YOUR bridal party the way YOU want it.
    • Reply
  • Alissa
    Frequent user September 2020 British Columbia
    Alissa ·
    • Dispute
    I think a lot of factors go into making this decision. Neither my fiance or I are very close with our siblings. We opted to suck it up and have them in the bridal party for a number of reasons
    1. Like it or not, theyll be around for a while. Looking through my parents and aunts wedding photos, they cant tell me what some of their bridesmaids names are 40 years later.
    2. We have a larger bridal party anyways. At this point, what's one more ?
    3. We may not be tight with our siblings, but it's our way of showing respect for our own/eachothers parents. Both of our moms are very easy going and havent asked for a thing. I love knowing how happy I made his mom by including her other son in the wedding, and that we are starting off on the right foot as a family. (Also should mention my parents are paying for the majority of my wedding. The least I could do is include my sister as a bridesmaid for my mom)

    It is essentially OUR day. But Its just that, one day. We made the choice to celebrate with and include our friends and family so with that we also made the choice to not ruffle any feathers at the beginning of our lives together. While these are things to consider, everyones situations are so different- if this person will compromise your ability to enjoy the day, then all the power to you to stand up for what you really want!!!.. I personally am too passive and would just like to avoid a lifetime of drama over one day's decisions.
    • Reply
  • Cassie
    Curious April 2020 Alberta
    Cassie ·
    • Dispute

    Definitely not a requirement. Only thing required is you choosing people who will make your day that much better! Family will move on from their woes. Sometimes having family just enjoy the day versus having duties is better in the long run.

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  • Amanda
    Super June 2019 Ontario
    Amanda ·
    • Dispute
    I personally don't believe in there being requirements. I think you need to make these decisions based on what you feel.
    when my brother got married my grandma was upset when I wasn't asked to be a bridesmaid, but I told her - at that time we weren't close and quite honestly, I wouldn't have wanted to be her bridesmaid and if she asked i would have known it wasn't really what she wanted.
    I say forget what people think- it is totally up to you guys.
    • Reply
  • Petra
    Frequent user June 2020 Ontario
    Petra ·
    • Dispute
    I have my dister as my maid of honour and my two cousins as bridesmaids as well as my two best friends and my future sister in law. I’m very close with my sister hence why she’s my MOH but i think you need to choose people YOU want to be by your side! People will be upset either way
    • Reply
  • Skylor
    Frequent user August 2020 Ontario
    Skylor ·
    • Dispute
    I think you need to do what is going to make you happy! You cannot please everyone and it's your day, the only one you can make happy is yourself.
    I have has several problems with family being unhappy with who I have invited to my wedding. But I have just come to the realization that it isn't about them. It's about me and my FH!
    • Reply
  • Becky
    VIP September 2019 Ontario
    Becky ·
    • Dispute

    Are you close with your family members? I had one of my two sisters in it- one supported other did not- It caused things to be really horrible and ended up letting the other sister in. Regretful but she still hasn't forgive and our relationship has taken a toll because never asked in first place. I only had one sister of his family as well and then few friends. It would depend on how close everyone is on each side. My fh had my brother in law but they get a long and talk a chunk. It worked out numbers wise too

    • Reply
  • Madisyn
    Expert February 2020 Ontario
    Madisyn ·
    • Dispute
    We decided not to have any family members in our small wedding party (3 on each side.) This blanket statement rule made it somewhat easier for us because then we didn't feel obligated to include another sibling or favourite first cousin, etc.

    At the end of the day, your bridal party should be exactly who you want to be standing next to you on your wedding day, be it family or not. Like others have said, this won't be the first resistance you face regarding your choices. They will ultimately get over it!
    • Reply
  • Sarah-Lynn
    Newbie June 2021 Ontario
    Sarah-Lynn ·
    • Dispute
    View quoted message
    Thanks ladies !
    On my side I chose to include his sister as one of my bridesmaid with no influence or push from my fiancé along with my girlfriends.
    Now on his side because he has such a close group of guy friends he has chosen 4 friends to stand beside him. He is not even including his own 2 brothers or my brother.

    We were happy with our decision but are saddened that some want to spoil this time with their own opinions (I hear ya I’m sure it won’t be the last obstacle)
    • Reply
  • Tori
    Top October 2019 Manitoba
    Tori ·
    • Dispute

    Hi Sarah-Lynn!! Congrats on the engagement and making your first discussion!
    For us I only have 1 sister and although we aren't the closest - we grew up with the mindset that family comes first and friends come and go. She is my MOH and I will be hers when she gets married. As for cousins and the rest - I'm not close to them so they aren't in the wedding party. I would go based off of siblings and then friends. No need for cousins though IMO.
    I will say this - my FH's Mom has a daughter - she may not even attend the wedding. So if you don't even talk to a sibling or really don't get along... no need to have them in the wedding party either.

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  • Allison
    Master October 2019 Ontario
    Allison ·
    • Dispute

    Ah the old "automatically-in-the-bridal-party-because-we're-siblings/family" debate!

    If you are not close with the person your family wants you to include, don't include them! It's your bridal party, not theirs! If you want to include the family member in question some other way, you could have them do a reading at the ceremony/lead grace at the dinner - but only if you want to!

    • Reply
  • Kelsie
    Featured September 2021 Ontario
    Kelsie ·
    • Dispute
    Welcome to WeddingWire!! Congratulations on your engagement!

    I have a family member in my bridal party and to be honest, I have huge regrets already. My biggest biggest piece of advice is to include who you want, do what you want, don’t listen to other people if it’s not something you would choose to do on your own.

    For the people we didn’t put in our party, we
    are inviting my FSIL and her husband to do our dinner prayer, my new cousins to do some church readings and another cousin to do the water and vodka polish tradition.

    you can always include the family you don’t have in your party in your wedding in other ways!
    • Reply
  • Vinod
    Featured August 2017 Ontario
    Vinod ·
    • Dispute

    Family always has something to say upon your decisions and how they feel about siblings not being included.

    You and FH have to know whom is to be part of the bridal party since you want them standing beside you at the altar. It will be hard to accept what will be said or done since they may not want to look at you for the way you have come upon your choices.

    Family and siblings may come across strong as to why you didn't choose them on your side to stand. Don't let this get to you or how they feel about it. There are many reasons as to your siblings are not that close to you or not trusting them in some ways. Biggest reason could be is they would have their say and feel it should be their way over yours. It can go in any way thought out.

    Remember that this your day and FH becoming one. Your decisions are more of yours than the family since they have to say or input for what they aren't being helpful in a way.

    We both didn't have any siblings in our wedding party and there wasn't any arguments on that part.

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  • Sarah-Lynn
    Newbie June 2021 Ontario
    Sarah-Lynn ·
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    View quoted message
    Thank you for the warm welcome Casey and words of wisdom Smiley smile
    I know parents can have a hard time understanding that traditions and weddings are different now. My mom is still trying to understand ‘first look photos’. I don’t want to disappoint my mother but at the same time I don’t want who she is suggesting
    • Reply
  • Casey
    Master October 2019 Ontario
    Casey ·
    • Dispute
    Welcome to Wedding Wire Lynn!
    I honestly did not feel the need to include family members in our wedding party, but we did because we are closer to our siblings than any friends.
    it is your wedding party, and you include whoever you want to stand beside you on that day. Regardless of who you pick, there are going to be comments.
    I have 2 step sisters and had some comments because they were not included, but I honestly do not have a relationship with them and that was enough reasoning for me to not include them.
    Do what you and your FH want! It is your day, no one elses
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