Kira
Newbie October 2020 Ontario

"best friend"

Kira, on 27/November/2018 at 08:51 Posted in Plan a wedding

Hello everyone! I recently got engaged last week and I am beyond excited. This is the first relationship I've been in where I haven't been treated like garbage. It was absolutely perfect I had no idea was going to happen and I'm so excited that it did. That being said, my best friend is mad about the whole situation. My fiance chose to go get the ring by himself with one of his friends and it's beautiful. She's mad because she wasn't involved, she's mad because he wasn't there when he proposed, she's not because she didn't have a say in the ring, and she's mad because someone else came to take pictures. The first thing she said to me instead of "congratulations" was "wow glad I wasnt even asked or involved at all" ... I'm sorry but this made me super upset. Then she proceeded to ask me where he got the ring and if it was expensive and that it better be. First of all I would have been happy with a stone out of my driveway for a ring. I am not the type of person who has to have a 10 thousand dollar ring .... he got it from peoples and it was way more then I would have liked him to spend but its perfect and I love it so much.... she told me it's probably fake because she didnt go with him to pick it and blah blah blah ... I'm just ranting at this point ... needless to say ... shes mad ... we havent talked and I dont believe this is how a "best friend" is supposed to treat you at any point in your life ... let alone one of the best times ever. I'm upset and quite frankly I dont want her involved at all now. Shes going away in December to see one of her friends in a different province and that's when I plan to have the engagement party. And all I can say is oh well .... I am done with it and she also doesnt get along with ANY of my other friends that I want to stand beside me .... so what I'm asking is ... do you think I should involve her because weve been friends for 10 years .... or just invite her to the wedding when it happens and not stress about her.

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8 Comments

  • Emily
    Devoted October 2018 Ontario
    Emily ·
    That seems extremely dramatic and selfish!! Give me a break. She’s trying to make your engagement about her and is obviously jealous. If she’s already being difficult and unsupportive I personally wouldn’t want her involved in the process... don’t let her ruin this amazing time in your life! I definitely had some trials and tribulations when it came to a friend when I got engaged. You learn a lot but best to lean on your need FH and friends and family that support you both!
  • Vinod
    Featured August 2017 Ontario
    Vinod ·

    Your best friend is jealous and upset for the wrong reasons not to say CONGRATULATIONS! Take her out of the involvement and go ahead with your party and if she goes on about this party happening without her, I wouldn't even invite her to the actual wedding. Best friends are the ones to be always supporting and helping with anything you need.

    You are not to take her concerns upon you and your FH. The ring is your FHs choice to show his love to you and only you. She doesn't need to be everywhere you are and take upon the decisions made by you.

    If she does break this friendship between you two, don't feel bad. She is showing her true colours by nature and choice. Let her loose and get back in touch when she's ready again when cooled down.

  • Jennifer
    Super July 2019 Ontario
    Jennifer ·

    Ok. lets start with the awesome. CONGRATS to you! its so exciting and wonderful!

    that is an absolutely HORRIBLE reaction. and sooooo unjustified!!!! wow. just wow.

    the bonus....some true colors came out now. before you get into any major planning. personally I would back off for awhile. and see if she comes around and changes her tune. if she doesn't. then you know where her and you stand (which yes can be a hard pill to swallow).

    I have 2 best friends. one was with me when we got engaged (as a huge group of us were on vacation together for another friends wedding). my best friend didn't find out for 6 days that I was engaged. and not ONCE did I get any sort of flack/anger/jealousy from her. heck...my FH and her haven't even met (she lives in a different country). and she sent him a message congratulating him.

    you do no deserve this at all. and i'm sorry this happened. but come vent to this community. everyone I have "met" on here is fantastic and helpful. we will gladly "support"

  • Rachael
    Super October 2019 Ontario
    Rachael ·

    Congratulations on your engagement! Smiley smile

    Your best friend sounds like an awful friend and sadly it seems like you experienced her true colours after you told her the news. Hopefully she realizes how shitty she's being and apologizes beforehand. Regardless, I think you're right to exclude her from planning going forward as she should realize your engagement is about you and your fiancé, not her.

    While my best friend's reaction was nowhere close to yours, I sensed jealously when I broke the news of my engagement to her because she sat there blankly in shock for time before truly reacting and then seemed to overcompensate for it afterward by being extra (calling her mom in Alberta on FaceTime while we were at a restaurant in the middle of dinner, then her sister who was at her aunt's house, etc.) Since then I've tried to keep her involvement to a minimal (especially since she came across as more desperate than ever to get engaged after I did as she was expecting to get engaged first, having dated her now fiancé longer.)

    I do hope you're able to distance yourself and/or that she works to resolve her issues. Either way, take time to enjoy your engagementyou deserve it!

  • Erin
    Super September 2019 Ontario
    Erin ·
    Sounds like a terrible friend. Very selfish and awful. Sorry to hear that, but congrats on your engagement! I hope your friend grows up a bit!
  • Allison
    Master October 2019 Ontario
    Allison ·
    First off, congrats on your engagement, you sound so happy about it, minus the friend issue.
    Honestly, you don’t need her negativity while you’re planning the wedding. If any one of my friends acted like this, I would not involve them at all - since they’ll probably have a negative attitude about everything else wedding related.
    My FH didn’t involve any of my friends with the engagement, mostly because my friends wouldn’t be able to keep it from me lol. I wouldn’t involve “this friend” with the wedding.
  • Bianca
    Featured August 2019 Ontario
    Bianca ·

    First off, CONGRATULATIONS!

    Second off, I'm very sorry to hear that your best friend is behaving like that. I'd say it's best to focus on the good (like your upcoming engagement party and planning your wedding!) and just ignore the bad. You can't control the way people feel, but you can control the way you let yourself feel about it. Being engaged has changed a lot of my relationships with friends and family. It's just how it goes sometimes.

  • Stephanie
    VIP May 2019 Ontario
    Stephanie ·
    Omg dont stress about her!!! Of anyone reacted to me like that I wouldnt give them a second thought at all... even if it was my mother!!! Seems like she has some serious jealousy issues and this is an incredibly happy time for you! If she brings you down for ANY reason I would not think twice about leaving her out of things. Shes making this about her and that is NOT how any kind of friend should act!!

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