Shaina
Frequent user bride April 2019 Ontario

Anxiety and Planning...

Shaina, on 1/December/2017 at 17:41 Posted in Plan a wedding
I am having some pretty bad anxiety about my wedding, which is over a year away... I guess it's because I don't like to be the center of attention and people fussing over me etc., and thinking about it makes me almost want to cry...
Because of this horrible anxiety I'm thinking of not doing some of the "traditional" things, such as the first dance, in hopes that it will alleviate some of the anxiety..
Has anybody done this? Would it be stupid to do it? I know I have lots of time to plan and stuff, but I feel like if I make a decision now I will have enough time to prepare myself from now until then if we choose to still do it...
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16 Replies

  • Stephanie
    Expert bride July 2018 Alberta
    Stephanie ·

    It's your (you and fiance) day, so do what makes the two of you happy. We are cutting out some traditional stuff as well--bouquet and garter toss, cake cutting--and part of the reason is because I don't want any more attention on me than necessary. We are keeping the first dance though.

    Maybe you can have the first dance as a group dance, so not everyone is looking at you.

    Or, it doesn't necessarily have to be a slow song either. There are some really cool dances that couples choreographed. If you're worried about people judging your dancing skills (which I am!) then a choreographed dance might be the way to go because it is not apart your skills--it's about following the song.

    My brother and sister-in-law had their first dance as part of a two-step-type dance. Everyone was in a circle, switched partners once the time came, except for my brother and SIL who stayed dancing together for the song. They had a brief lesson, and the first few rounds were done with someone announcing the steps, before they played the music.

  • Jen
    Super bride June 2018 Ontario
    Jen ·
    View quoted message

    Thanks for your input, but we are going to pass. If you're going with traditional things then good for you. The whole point of the garter and bouquet tosses are to single out the singles (look it up). It's not for us, especially since our guests are all older.

  • Kendalevelina
    Beginner bride May 2019 British Columbia
    Kendalevelina ·
    View quoted message
    Why just single people though! It's such a traditional thing just get all guys and all girls regardless marital status to participate, its an interactive thing for everyone and a way to modeenize a fun hilarious sometimes xheeky event!
  • Kendalevelina
    Beginner bride May 2019 British Columbia
    Kendalevelina ·
    I think you should go for the final dance etc.
    Its not just a big day, its the start of you and your fiances beginning, and you would probably regret not having those moments on camera/film. Im not the most for having attention on me either, but I wouldnt miss having those memories to show your kids/grandkids!
  • Bianca
    Frequent user bride August 2019 Ontario
    Bianca ·
    So many spelling errors in my first reply!

    *going to kiss
  • Bianca
    Frequent user bride August 2019 Ontario
    Bianca ·
    I completely understand how you’re feeling! I’m the same way (anxiety-wise) and am literally cutting out anything that flat-out doesn’t feel comfortable to me.

    I've been to a number of weddings that incorporate some traditional aspects and other weddings (like my cousins last month) where they flat out said in their pre-dinner speech that they’re not doing to kids if people clank their glasses and whoever likes the centrepiece should just take it at the end of the night.

    You should do what feels best for you and your fiancé should hopefully be on board since this day is about both of you.

    Best of luck ❤️
  • Erin
    Featured September 2017 Ontario
    Erin ·

    We skipped the garter toss, the bouquet toss, the kissing game. I think you should consider keeping the first dance as it is more about you and your husband connecting than people gawking. We also did both our first dances with our parents at the same time.

  • Jen
    Super bride June 2018 Ontario
    Jen ·

    We are skipping the garter toss and the bouquet toss because of these reasons, plus I find them tacky... you're singling out your single friends and family at your wedding to be like "haha look at you all single and stuff... here.. catch these items that don't actually help bring you luck in finding the one you'll marry....". Also, I don't want my FH all up in my dress grabbing a garter for everybody to see. We did however opt for a give away bouquet, which we will be giving to the longest married couple in attendance at our wedding.

  • Shaina
    Frequent user bride April 2019 Ontario
    Shaina ·
    View quoted message
    The thing is that it's mostly his family, a lot of whom treat me like I'm temporary, even after 7 years.... I can't not invite them though, lol. My mom basically said who cares if everyone can hear me cause I'm talking to him and not them. So I'm just gonna hope that if they can't her me they don't complain. Lol.
    We're hoping for outdoor but because it's at the beginning of April it might still be too cold.
  • Sasha
    Super bride October 2017 Ontario
    Sasha ·
    View quoted message
    50 guests is good! 100 can be considered a lot, but honestly if it's all family it might make you feel better knowing it's all people who love and care about you!

    For the vows, you can always see if your officiant or DJ or venue has lapel microphones. That way you can pin it on your dress and not worry about speaking too low. I know our DJ offered that!

    We had an outdoor ceremony and because there were so few people they were very close to the front and could hear us just fine from what I've been told. I think we were both talking a little low but our officiant did most of the talking so it was ok haha
  • Shaina
    Frequent user bride April 2019 Ontario
    Shaina ·
    View quoted message
    That's a good idea, we could have people join us after so long. I agree with it being kinda awkward having people watch just us dance for a whole song. Lmao.
  • Shaina
    Frequent user bride April 2019 Ontario
    Shaina ·
    View quoted message
    We have everything booked except an officiant, not counting hair and make up 🙈. I've been trying to figure out colours and other stuff but I keep coming back to these things 😣. In all honesty I would've been okay with no wedding lol. I've asked if he wants to do the first dance and stuff but he's not very helpful. All he said was, "Idunno." Lmao. I just don't want to be too overwhelmed and I feel like I already will be with our guest list which is larger than I was expecting..
  • Maegan
    Expert bride July 2018 British Columbia
    Maegan ·
    Make your wedding what you want regardless of what others expect. Its your day so it needs to be something that you will enjoy

    We are doing a first dance, but only dancing for 30 seconds or so before we are having our wedding party come join us with their significant others to take the attention off us. I would find it horribly awkward to dance to an entire song just the two of us with everyone watching!

    And we are skipping the garter toss, boquet toss, couple games, klink the glasses for bride and groom to kiss thing and cake cutting.

    Really i only want attention on me during the ceremony and i just wanna hang out and chat and relax the rest of the day!

  • Bethany
    Super bride July 2018 Alberta
    Bethany ·
    Just stay open to the idea! You can plan other aspects of your wedding like the caterer or the reception! I have planned the majority of my wedding and haven't even fully looked at or did a full plan of the aspects that focus specifically on myself as you suggested about the first dance. Talk with your fiancé about those aspects and see what you both want! He should respect your feelings! Hope everything turns out!
  • Shaina
    Frequent user bride April 2019 Ontario
    Shaina ·
    View quoted message
    I'm actually so worried about not doing it then regretting it! I was expecting to do 50 guests or less, but my family is kind of so my part of the list is small, FHs family is the opposite so we're at 100 and that's cutting out some people and stuff 😔.
    Another thing that's giving me anxiety is the vows part, what if I'm to freaked out to talk loudly, are people going to be angry or complain that they couldn't hear me? Was that difficult for you as well?
    Don't worry about how long it is, you actually helped me to feel a little less crazy!
  • Sasha
    Super bride October 2017 Ontario
    Sasha ·
    Hey Shaina!
    Sorry to hear you're dealing with anxiety in regards to the wedding! I completely understand. I deal with a bad anxiety disorder daily and so I felt the same as you with the wedding. We kept the guest list to 36 people, all close immediate family and closest friends, and we did not do the bouquet toss or garter toss and we didn't play any games.


    This honestly helped me so so much as to not completely freak out the day of. I also upped my therapy session from once every two weeks to once a week leading up to it and that helped a lot.

    I would say to do the first dance as I feel like maybe you would regret not having one looking back on it. Maybe I'm just projecting though as I know I would have regretted not doing it.

    I was so incredibly anxious walking down the aisle and during the first dance but what really helps is just keeping yourself grounded. I held on tightly to my dad as we walked down and he was talking to me the whole way down and during the ceremony and first dance I just kept my eyes on my husband and held his hands. It helped ground me and focus on being present.


    Omg so sorry for the long post! I just totally relate and I like to help if I can!

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